The Burning River Blog

More Things We've Been Up To

2011-08-29T11:18:00.006-04:00

My family is trying like hell to make the most of these last days of summer. This past weekend, for instance, we picked up the Nugget after work and headed to Tremont for some outdoor fun. We ordered a pizza from Edison's and we devoured it while sitting outside and people-watching. We walked around the neighborhood and visited a couple of galleries. We played at the playground at Lincoln Park. We watched ballet dancers on the stage in the park, part of Tremont's Arts in August series. We stopped for cupcakes at a Cookie and a Cupcake and collapsed at the end of the night, exhausted. It was a perfect evening.

On Saturday, Aud and I had some alone time which we spent sailing and enjoying one another's company. The view was spectacular. Observe:

Of course, this was my favorite view:

Sunday was spent visiting with my family and trying to be helpful. Later, Aud and I joined forces in the kitchen to make a double batch of chili and tofu scramble, with the hopes that not having to cook this week will enable us to spend as much time out of doors as possible.

Barrett has also been experimenting in the kitchen.

And speaking of kitchens, Aud and I almost bought this:

I know, I know, we just bought a house less three years ago and, truth be told, my house is much prettier than this one. But we both knew that, should an amazing house on this side of this particular street go on the market, we would try to buy it. Why? Well, these houses are all on double lots. The backyards are enormous, nearly the size of the amazing yard at the house where I grew up. I wanted to give Barrett this yard, and what a yard it was! It was giant! There was a huge deck off of the back with a large eating area and a (ew) hot tub. There was a new, giant garage with yet another huge porch off of the back. There was a giant, two story playhouse next to an alarmingly large swing set. There was an entire paved basketball court in the way back, adjacent to a fire pit.

The house itself was smaller, though still charming. We were blown away, though, by the wide open floor plan, the mass amounts of (granite) counter space in the kitchen, the waterproofed and finished basement. The house wasn't perfect. The bedroom were smaller, and we would be giving up our large, finished attic, but that house was done. Our house needs a major kitchen remodel. It needs a new garage (ours is falling down). We need to waterproof the basement, regrade the foundation, and replace the drain tile before finishing the basement and renovating the sad, sad bathroom that is down there. We've also considered punching out the roof of the attic on the back of the house to build a master bathroom and some closets (and, should there be another Nugget, that would be one hell of a room for two boys to have as their own).

I found out about that house on a Wednesday when a friend (who lives three doors away from this house) texted me that a sign had just...that MORNING...been placed in the front yard. I called that morning and we saw the place Friday afternoon. Saturday, while I was on a very long bike ride (more on that in a sec), Aud went to the bank to secure financing. We received our preapproval immediately and managed to cobble together the down payment. We made an appointment to see the house again on Tuesday night with our families (as I was out of town all weekend and Monday after work the Nugget has a swim lesson).

...and wouldn't you know it. Tuesday morning I got a call that on Monday night, an offer had been made and the sellers had accepted.

DAGNABBIT!!!

We were heartbroken. It's taken a while to get over it, but now we both realize that, if we renovated our current home in the way that we'd envisioned when we purchased it, there's no way that stupid blue house could ever hold a candle to this one. So we're going to stick with it, and we're going to sink some money into it to make it fabulous. First up...the kitchen. Walls will be removed. Islands will be built. It's going to be amazing.

In the midst of that house drama was my Pedal to the Point weekend. The Pedal to the Point is a two-day, 150-mile bike ride to raise money for the MS Society. This was my third attempt to finish every last mile of that bike ride.

I first signed up for the ride in 2007, and I trained as much as I could while working part-time and taking classes for my Masters. I managed to ride the entire way from Berea to Sandusky, about 78 miles. It was an amazing experience. The weather took a turn for the worse on Day 2 of the ride and due to cold winds and very heavy rain, the course was closed. No 2-Day ride for me.

I tried again last year and signed up for the ride. I had a much more difficult time training with an infant to care for and a job to do, but I did my best. However, I still only managed to ride 68 of the 78 miles on Day 1 of the ride and I completely gave up on mile 30 on Day 2. I'd had enough.

Part of the difficulty of the ride had to do with my bike. I was riding a mountain bike. Sure, I'd changed the knobby tires out for smooth tires but, make no mistake, this was a freaking mountain bike. No matter how hard I worked on that thing, I could barely average more than 11 mph.

After last year's ride I committed that, no matter what, I would finish all 150 (156, really) miles of that ride. I registered early and stuck to my guns, even though I could not find a single friend interested in doing the ride this year. I worked out consistently all year, including attending spinning class (often twice weekly), running, and lifting. Heck, I even jumped rope (and really, any woman worried about the effects of gravity on their girlie bits should just leave the jump rope to the UFC fighters and just go for a bike ride...your ta tas will thank you. Ouch).

And while I trained on that stupid mountain bike all summer, sometimes while towing the Nugget in his Burley, I decided to make use of this fabulous (*cough*) lawyer income and do something really irresponsible. I bought a beautiful, light, fast, all carbon-fiber bike that makes me feel rather like a superhero with wheels. It is amazing. It also helped me realize that anyone attempting to ride 150 miles on a mountain bike is just plain crazy. And maybe a little bit dumb.

In any event, I finished the entire ride strong and fast. I made great time (getting there 2.5 hours earlier than I did the first year I rode). I had an incredible weekend. The ride is an emotional experience for me. I spend much of the time thinking about my Mom. I can't even imagine how hard it must have been to be a mother with MS, to have to miss out on so much of your kids' childhood. It breaks my heart. I'll do the ride every year. I don't do it as much to raise funds as much as I do it to remind myself that I'm strong, that I'm healthy, and that I should be thankful every single day that I have the life that I have. I don't ever want to take my health for granted.

In other news, there have also been cuddles...

And dinners consisting of nothing but sliced lemons and hot salsa (???)

Who is this kid?

Warm Fuzzies...and a Review of the Burley Encore

2011-07-30T14:52:00.009-04:00

Recently, I was lucky enough to have one of those incredibly fortunate moments where I realized that my life is turning out to be the way that I'd always imagined that it could be. It all happened when I was looking at these:

That would be my husband's bike (front) and my bike (to the rear) towing a trailer filled with a picnic lunch, a diaper bag, and, if you can believe it, a pop-up tent for baby nappage. I was looking at this scene from the passenger deck of a ferry to Kelley's Island where I was off to spend a hot and sunny summer day with my family biking around the island, playing on the beach, hiking on the trails, picnicking in the park, and lounging in the shade.

I looked next to me at the Hubster who wear wearing a backpack full of toddler and I thought, "Damn."

I immediately though back to a hiking trip I took with my sisters in Acadia National Park in Maine. We'd just finished a rather grueling climb and were about to reach a gorgeous overlook when I saw this adorable family. The man was wearing his baby in a hiking pack and the woman led the way with their Golden Retriever and I remember thinking, "how the hell did they even get UP here" right before thinking, "I want my life to be like that."

Fast forward six years and here I am, standing next to a cute, toddler wearing guy, towing said toddler around on my bike, doing those things that I always assumed that the crunchy, fit, granola-eating family in Maine did on their weekends. Hell, I've even got the Subaru station wagon.

Since then, I've been attempting to do a better job at incorporating my bike riding into my every day life rather than making it such an "event" (as in: let's call of off work, ride our bikes 25 miles, take a 6 mile walk, and bike 25 miles home!). Bike riding has always been something I've planned to do, not something I've done to, say, run errands or get from point A to point B (not since I was a kid, anway). I figured, hell, I bought this $400 bicycle trailer, I live in the city and I don't need to drive anywhere, let's try this thing out on a regular Saturday morning!

So try it out I did, and I must say, this Burley Encore bicycle trailer kind of sucks.

See, I bought the trailer in March from a local bicycle shop, excited as all hell to spend my summer biking with the Nugget. Since then, the trailer has been nothing but a thorn in my side. After taking it to the bike shop and raising holy hell, they ordered some parts from Burley to "fix" the trailer, adjusted the fit of the trailer for my son, and made sure his helmet fit properly.

See, the bicycle shop refused the take the trailer back. Both the bicycle shop and Burley insisted that "nobody had ever made [my complaint] about this [piece of shit] trailer before." A cursory search of the internet proves otherwise, but let this string of photos make my case for me.

Here we are, at the beginning of our ride. Barrett is positioned in the middle of the two-child trailer (we bought the two-seater "just in case") as per the owners manual (which, by the way, the bicycle shop never gave us, or else I would have realized that I was missing so many parts). You'll notice that he began the ride with his Giro bicycle helmet on his little blonde head.

But look what happens only minutes into each ride. Barrett, though buckled in tightly, begins his long, slow slide to one side or the other of the trailer. What's worse, the "hammock" design of the trailer seat means that Barrett is in a reclined position. Because he wears a helmet, the hammock seat pushes his head forward in the seat, causing the helmet to block him from seeing anything, which results in him tugging on the helmet with all of his might to get the helmet out of his face. Observe:

This kid is so miserable that neither he or I can tolerate it much longer. I take off his helmet. Look at how this poor kid is sitting.

I decide, then, to try him seated to one side of the trailer, rather than right in the middle. I hoped that this would help him to sit up properly in his seat without falling to the side. Though the light in these pictures is awful, you can see that he looks to be sitting much more comfortably.

...but sure enough, I have to pull over three blocks over because the helmet is pushed over his face by the back of the trailer and he can't see. When he tries to push it back, the chin strap under his neck digs into his throat and pinches him. This poor kid is miserable.

Sure, you can fill a heck of a lot of goodies in the back... Here I've got a loaf of bread and hamburger buns from Breadsmith, Barrett's diaper bag, and hidden from view under the diaper bag, a large soft-sided cooler filled with cold groceries from Nature's Bin (organic grapes, tempeh, yogurt, and edamame) along with another bag of non-perishables (granola and puffed spelt).

And eventually, without his helmet, Barrett can relax enough to do this:

But really, this thing was so not worth $400. In order to have a happy, comfortable ride, Barrett has to ride without a helmet. I love to ride my bike, but not enough to risk my kid's life in order to do it.

We're going to try a toddler skate helmet. My sincere hope is that, given the helmet's different shape, it won't get pushed down over his eyes like this Giro bike helmet. If that doesn't work, I'm just not sure what my options are... Rickshaw, maybe?

Morning

2011-06-20T12:13:00.004-04:00

Every morning, at around 6:30, the Nugget Must. Get. Out. Of. His. Crib. Immediately.

I enter his room, sleepy and bleary-eyed, and he proceeds to hand me each of his four bed fellows, one at a time. There's Winkolina (his bright green Uglydoll, picked out by Aud when Barrett was still just a belly lump). There's Giraffe (picked out by me the day of Barrett's first round of shots). There's Teddy (a gift from Aunt Misty and Uncle Tony, when we broke the news of Barrett's inevitability). There's Bunny (from his Aunties and the star of our "Little Bunny Foo Foo" dramatic sequences).

Then, of course, there's the Barrett. Needless to say, this makes for quite the armful as I feel my way carefully down the stairs, unable to see for sure whether or not I'm about to step on stair or beagle. If I make it down the stairs without falling and crushing a dog, a baby, or my face, we begin the morning diaper change. My success or failure at this endeavor is highly dependent on whether or not I'm able to keep Barrett, Bunny, Giraffe, Teddy, and Winkolina all on the changing table at the same time while dodging randomly striking limbs.

This is not an easy task.

Factor in the possibility of poo splatter, desperate to pee beagles, and the fact that I'm still not properly awake, and you'll understand why we're 50/50 on morning tantrums (that's a 50 per cent chance that I have a tantrum and a 50 per cent chance that Barrett has one).

I have yet to video tape the morning struggle, but I did manage to photograph a moment of peace on the changing table.

And yeah...motherhood is the shit.

Things We've Been Up To

2011-06-10T10:47:00.009-04:00

[I used to (and still do) hate when married people or people in relationships would "we" all over the place. It always seemed as if, when entering a committed relationship, these people lost all sense of self. Joint email accounts would follow (Really?? I have to email both of you now? I can't just talk to my friend? Does said friend's husband *really* need to know that I don't feel like going out tonight because I have a UTI?) Then of course the joint blog written in first person plural. Gross. But today, I will "We." I'm gonna WE all over this here blog. No, there will be no joint email account. No joint blog. When I say "We" I may be talking about me and the Bear, me and the Hubs, me and the beagles, or any combination thereof. We We We We We, all the way home. So there.]

1. Learning how to drink through straws. With big, curly hair. Just like Mama.

2. Breakfasting at Latitude 41. Holy delicious french toast, Batman!

3. Re-learning how to roller skate on my brand new derby skates, and feeling a bit like a superhero when so doing [no photos, yet. It's best I focus entirely on not falling at this point in my derby life].

4. Spending vast, vast amounts of time working out. It is not unusual for me to have a 20+ mile bike day or a 9+ mile run or hike day. I'm leg pressing 180 pounds at a time now, and I'm working like hell on the unassisted pull-ups (though I'm still getting 100 pounds of assistance. Not sure an unassisted pull-up is in the cards this year).

5. Bustin' the sag.

6. Resting between belly flops.

7. Trying on giant running shoes.

8. Sailing and almost getting killed by whatever jerk-face happened to be driving the Good Time III on Wednesday night. Did Hazelwood find himself a job in Cleveland? If so, then please Captain Hazelwood, please try not to smash our sailboat between your giant clunker and the rocks while we try to rescue another sailboat with a poorly-timed motor break-down from crashing into said, rocks. Pretty please? [Again, no photos. I was too busy clinging onto one of Aud's coworkers, a coworker I barely know, and trying not to cry.]

9. Matching our eyes to our camping furniture.

10. Taking long walks around the hood.

11. Screaming for ice cream.

12. Working Hard (R) and Hardly Working (L). Don't get used to this, kid. Your Daddy already has one person sponging off of his retirement fund. He can't have another.

13. Walking in the woods.

14. A lot.

15. A ton, actually.

16. Making an Easter basket.

17. Finding an Easter basket.

18. Avoiding putting all of our eggs in one basket.

19. Finding new uses for old things.

20. Practicing bicycle safety.

21. Putting our helmets to the test...

22. ...while biking with funny faces.

23. Contemplating an old school river fording, a la Oregon Trail.

24. Enjoying picnics in the park.

25. Driving ambulances.

26. Bulldozing.

Spring...?

2011-03-14T09:36:00.002-04:00

Oh, March. You continually mess with every mind in Northeastern Ohio. You wake us up to a foot of snow on Friday morning, blowing winds, white outs, and treacherous roads. Then you melt the snow the very next day, and we're left to wade through the sludge. Yet you predict 55 and sunny on St. Pat's day...as if the drunks in this town need you nudging them toward cirrhosis.

I'm so damn ready for spring.

My winter blues aside, this weekend was glorious. Friday night I headed out with my little fam for dinner at the yacht club. Yes, the food is terrible. Yes, I have no choice but to eat there at least once every month. But the view? It's not a terrible feast for the eyes, even if the feast for the belly is lacking.

Saturday after a very lazy day at home we dropped the Bear off to spend the night with his Aunties before heading to a party to say goodbye to a friend that is moving to San Francisco for school. It was a glorious evening. In the old days, I would have stayed until seven am and power napped before heading out for a greasy breakfast. Alas, I am a parent now, so I headed home at a much more respectable 4 AM.

Sunday morning I popped up at the decadent hour of 8:00 to pick up the Bear and spend some time with my family. I came home to the greasy breakfast I was longing for, took a nap with the Bear, and enjoyed the rest of the day at home reading books, playing the piano, and enjoying the rest of Family Sunday (formerly, "Lazy Sunday").

In other news, discovering that you are important to someone that you were never really sure that you mattered to...is that not the coolest thing ever?

Coming up this week: walks with dogs, vegan cabbage and noodles, and (gasp) SOCIALIZING. Perhaps I will even leave the house twice in one week. Shocker!

Two Entries in Two Days...Or Let Me Blow Your Mind

2011-03-09T19:02:00.002-05:00

Today? Today was fantastic...

Despite my spending most of the night on the couch thanks to a pukey beagle that needed to be ushered outside at 1:30 in the morning to eat some grass, and despite the fact that I woke up feeling like someone had dropped an anvil on my head, I sort of loved today.

Nothing fantastic happened. Barrett and I had our usual cuddle/bottle/Timmy Time time first thing in the morning. We ate yummy oats with organic bananas and strawberries. We played and read books. The Bear napped while I worked. I managed to find a witness that corroborated my client's story on a case I'm working on, thus making it more and more likely that I win the case on summary judgment. After naps and lunch we headed to the bank to open Barrett his very first savings account. I decided to open my own as well, thanks to some family financial crises that are beyond worrisome and are making me feel that I need to save every dime I can Just In Case (dum dum duuummmmm). For dinner I whipped up a stir fry, borrowing heavily from the Brooklyn Pad Thai recipe in Vegan with a Vengeance. While I cooked, the Hubster played with the Bear while we talked about work. And now, as I head off to work, I can hear the strains of my sweet's guitar and a singing husband and a playing baby.

Life is good.

A Day in the Life

2011-03-08T20:19:00.001-05:00

These last two months have been two of the blah-iest months that I can recall. The weather has been cold and miserable and, for most of these last two months, one or more of the people living in this house has had a cold (or the flu) and has been miserable (or miserable to be around). I’m often tempted to forbid the Hubster from leaving the house and bringing germs home, and I’m often tempted to never take the Bear to the daycare at the gym (when I can work out between plagues, that is), and to never go anywhere again not ever, ever again because ferfucksake…I’m tired of everyone being sick around here.

But yes…it’s almost over, and yes…I’m almost ready to come out of hibernation. I’m heartened by the fact that it was over forty degrees outside today, I’m less heartened by the fact that I still have a cold and every time I look out the window I am only able to appreciate the sunshine for 1.6 seconds before my eyes are drawn to the monkey-ball littered, dog poop-ridden, slush hole of a yard that I’m going to have to find the stomach to start cleaning up. Le sigh…

And…though things are going well otherwise, I’m one hell of a crabby bottoms.

Despite that, I really want to start blogging again, but I’m not digging this blog anymore. For one thing, I suspect people that I know in real life may have been reading this (Hi people I may know!). This is a problem for me on many levels, because it makes me much less honest and much less willing to discuss sensitive topics that I would otherwise love to rant and rave about.

I loved my old blog, but have slowly been removing entries in my spare (ha!) time. A few months ago, during one of my routine paranoid fits of googling all variations of my name, I discovered a link to my old blog. This was problematic. As an attorney, I don’t want potential clients, current clients, opposing counsel, judges, or jurors reading about my angst, circa 2002-2008. For another, I’ve been rereading these entries and holy hell are they massively disturbing. Massively. Disturbing. Let’s not forget Horribly Embarrassing (especially the early years). They are also, in some instances, strangely dishonest. I’m not sure who I was pretending to be, but there is a huge disconnect for me between the person I was then and the person I am now and…well…it’s better that those entries come down.

I am saving them for myself to look back on in the coming decades. Perhaps they’ll help me understand my children when they are in their twenties. Hopefully they won’t make me as heartbreakingly sad as my hand-written journals from 2000-2002. I’ve yet to get through a single one of those entries without breaking down. I can’t believe I let myself get to the place I was then. I can’t fathom letting anyone treat me so poorly and not standing up for myself. But that’s another story for another day.

So, right. Blogging. Not sure if I’m going to stay here or move on, but I’d really like to write more, I like the idea of writing on a public space, and since I’m so hesitant to write here, maybe I’ll start a fresh blog someplace.

One thing I loved about my old blog was the completely and utterly dull, navel-gazing nature of it. So many entries went something like, “Yesterday I worked on X at day job and then waited on a bunch of tools at the restaurant and then I went home and ate Y and watched Z and today I’m taking the day off to do this and that.” I like this because, looking back, I remember all sorts of things that I forgot about, and I want to continue to look back and remember. True, these entries cannot possibly be interesting to anyone other than me, but I’m ok with this.

So, in the spirit of blogging and navel-gazing and narcissism, here is What I Did Today:

The Bear slept in until 6:45 today, so I had the chance to loll in bed while the Hubster was in the shower and then nag him to shave his beard while he dressed for work since it’s March and it’s practically spring. Right? He declined. Rats.

Bear woke up and I went through the usual morning diaper change and bottle feeding. Yes, I still give the Bear a bottle. We tried switching him to a sippy cup for his milk after his first birthday and he was not having it. I must selfishly admit that I’m fine with him using a bottle for now because I’m not ready to give up that cuddle time with him yet. Barrett is now drinking unsweetened soy milk. I mention this because Bear’s diet is a sensitive issue. As a vegetarian with aspirations of veganism, I’m used to people feeling that it is appropriate to comment upon or question my diet. I was not prepared, however, for how often people question what I feed my child.

Here’s what. I feel that I’m pretty well read and well informed in matters of diet and nutrition. I have looked at the pro- and anti-soy research, and I have looked at the pro- and anti-cow’s milk research. I am confident that soy is the right choice for my son. I am confident that cow’s milk is not. I’m amazed by how many people, people that have done little to no reading into the issue, feel the need to give advice or an opinion on this one area of Bear’s diet. I realize that this is just the tip of the iceberg and that unsolicited parenting advice relating to just about everything will often come my way, but here’s what. I’m not going to give my child anything that is deleterious to his health. I’ve done the reading. Uninformed, unsolicited opinions are unwelcome. I’m having a hard time remaining polite about this one.

Anywho, Bear had his bottle and we watched Timmy Time (I know, I know, Disney is the devil, but Timmy Time rocks). Then, after a few minutes of Handy Manny, I was ravenous and needed to use the bathroom, so I took the squalling Bear into the kitchen with me to brew coffee, use the bathroom, and make our morning pot of oats.

Another side note, I’ve been making our oatmeal using the method described here. These fluffy, banana-ey oats are fan-friggin-tastic. I’m in love with them, Bear is in love with them, and I can hardly wait to crawl out of bed in the morning to eat these. I top Bear’s oats with almond, peanut, or sunflower seed butter and spreadable fruit, and I top mine with the same but I’ll add some crunchies, usually dry roasted peanuts and Trader Joe’s berry granola. Barrett drinks diluted fruit juice, I sip black coffee, we listen to music, and we enjoy our oats together. Our mornings are fantastic.

Though the two of us are still feeling a little under the weather, Barrett entertained himself contentedly in baby jail (our dining room, minus furniture, plus one giant baby gate paddock, filled with toys, books, and puzzles) while I washed the dishes and put away laundry. No, I cannot believe how domestic my life has become. When Barrett tired of playing on his own and I tired of racing around the house, we cuddled on the couch and coughed and sniffled and read books and watched daytime television. At around 10:30, Barrett had some more milk and went down for his nap. And I? Well, I did the same.

The kiddo woke up at one and we sat down for lunch. Barrett ate green patties (mashed beans, barley, spinach puree, and seasoned breadcrumbs) and sweet potato latkes with juice. I had a tortilla with PB&J because I had zero motivation to make anything with any nutritional value.

After lunch, we played and read some more books, waited for the cable guy to come and fix the internet, then headed out to run some errands. After I exchanged a scarf for a sweater and two pairs of sunglasses (how much did that scarf cost anyway?), donated some old clothes, and stopped at the grocery store for diapers and wipes (yeah, the cloth diapers didn’t make it past Barrett’s first birthday…those things just couldn’t pick up what he’s puttin’ down), we headed home to tend to the dogs and make dinner.

When the Hubster finally joined us I made a pizza with red peppers, sweet onions, and Trader Joe’s Soy Chorizo and spinach, romaine, and cucumber salads. Over dinner we talked about our days while we ate (Barrett had tofu and brown rice balls, green patties, and steamed carrots), then I went to chill with Barrett while the Hubster cleaned the kitchen. Finally, I kissed everyone goodbye and headed up to the office to get some work done. While I started researching for and writing yet another motion, I could hear the Hubster playing the guitar and singing to Bear before he took Bear upstairs and gave him a bath (singing the Sesame Street rubber ducky song) and then put him to bed.

This is just a usual day. A whole lot of time with my son, a little bit of time working, and a whole hell of a lot of happiness. I feel pretty damn lucky.

Resolution Madness

2011-01-02T21:16:00.003-05:00

I have a thing about New Years. The Eve part of it? I really despise it. I've had some rather awful NYE experiences and, quite frankly, the good ones aren't so great. It seems like a rather stupid holiday, I don't enjoy celebrating it, and that's that.

But New Years' Day? With the lazing about and the dumplings and the resolutions and the year in review-ing? Yeah, I love the sh*t out of New Years' Day. This years New Years was even better, given that (now that I'm a mother) I no longer feel guilty about staying home and playing Angry Birds and Phase 10 and 10s and 2s and drinking Diet Dr. Pepper and not leaving the house.

My favorite part, besides looking back at the HowDidIGetSoLucky awesomeness of 2010, is resolving to do things. I love that, at this time of the year, so many people are focused on making themselves into better people. I love, love, love making goals and, when I manage to achieve them, I'm pretty damn excited to cross them off my list.

So what's in store for 2011? As if you could stop me from sharing...

1a) Color me original, but I plan to lose the rest of the extra poundage that I'm carrying around. Yes, this is the same resolution I had way back on January 1, 2010, but in all fairness to myself, I did manage to lose 30 pounds in 2010 and, most days, I'm very proud of that fact. Not only have I gotten smaller, but I've gotten stronger. I trained my butt off for a two day, 150-mile bike ride in August and...training while working and taking care of an infant? That's no joke. I've also become a regular at my gym (shocker) and, between the gym and my Kinect and my basement gym equipment, I've become quite the exercise junkie.

And it's not just the exercise that I've really gotten down. I've focused much of my last year on learning to cook even more healthy food. Just this evening I roasted some chickpeas and broccoli and garlic and ate it over brown rice, last week I baked some falafel, and let's not even get started on the salads. I think I'll finally achieve my # goal, once and for all, and I don't really give a damn if it takes all year.

1b) Furthermore, I want to make sure I (continue to) get healthy for real reasons, and not focus on the superficial crap that is so easy to focus on. Watching the declining health of those close to me makes me more and more appreciative of my own strength and good health, and I want to teach Barrett to focus on all of the amazing things that his body can do rather than worry about what it looks like. To this end, I want to get stronger. How will I know I'm stronger? Well, come December 31, 2011, I want to do something I've never in my life managed to accomplish. I want to do one assisted pull-up. And I want to finish that 150-mile bike ride this year. No excuses.

2) Second, I want to spend more time with my family (my original one). I find that when work heats up, trials loom, Bearbot is teething and miserable, I'm exhausted, or life gets hectic, I rarely manage to spend time with la familia and, it must be said, I've missed the hell out of my mom lately. I really want to make the effort to be a better daughter, granddaughter, and sister this year.

3) Finally, in an effort to make the world a better place, I want to dedicate at least 40 hours to volunteer/community service activities. I'm not talking about baking cookies for the PTA bake sale, I'm talking real work for those who need it the most. I really hope to find an organization that I can get behind and dedicate even more time to in the future. I will not, however, be volunteering at the foodbank again, because I cannot...CANNOT...spend another morning portioning lunch meat. If I won't cook it for my son, I'm not putting it in individual baggies whilst it leaks all over me, I don't care how hungry the old ladies and children are that will be eating it.

There they are, my Official 2011 Resolutions. Let me tell you, I really pared them down. I wanted to commit to about a dozen other things, but I realize that going to culinary school, learning Spanish and Russian, reading a book per week, learning to play Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata on the piano, and teaching myself how to knit all while taking care of my family and trying to become a decent lawyer and, let's be realistic, killing zombies, just might be setting myself up for disappointment.

Seriously, though, I can't have asked for a better 2010, and a hell of a lot of time has been spent in the last couple of weeks taking stock and being so...grateful...that most of the time my happiness has had no choice but to explode out of my eyeballs when I can no longer contain it. I know that so many people haven't had the best year, and my hope, for them, is that 2011 is happier, brighter, and maybe a little bit easier.

Happy New Year.

Day 5: The End

2010-11-15T09:38:00.002-05:00

And with this $35 pair of vegan Saucony shoes, and another $35 pair of Saucony running shoes (not pictured), I officially call Project November-ish to an end. I am apparently not capable of not spending any money.

Sure, I could tell you that I officially ran through the tread on my current running shoes this week and that treadless shoes make for relatively painful workouts. I could explain that $35 for a pair of shoes (on Rue La La right now, check it if you want some shoes) is too good to pass up when I need to buy them anyway. I could even defend the ethics of my choice if necessary.

But I'm not going to. I'm just going to accept that I have to spend money sometimes and try like hell to not buy things I don't need and, when I do buy things, I'll try to make the most ethical choice possible.

[I assure you, I am not ending Project November just so I can buy a new Kinect game. I also will not be buying a heart rate monitor to find out if the Kinect really makes for a good workout. I will, however, be buying some mascara. At his point, I'm just brushing my lashes before court with an empty brush, and I've had it with people telling me I look exhausted. It's not sleep deprivation, people, it's just cosmetics deprivation!]

[Oh...and I may get a blender.]

Day 4: It Was a Birthday Gift, I Swear

2010-11-14T11:12:00.003-05:00

I most definitely didn't buy this. My very sweet husband bought it for me for my birthday. The fact that joint funds were used to make this purchase in no way means that I purchased this. The fact that my birthday is almost a month away likewise has no bearing on whether or not this was an item I bought for myself.

I didn't buy it.

I mean it.

...shit.

Day 2: The Rules

2010-11-12T09:07:00.005-05:00

I really, really should have made some guidelines for my thirty spend-free days before embarking on this experiment, because making them up as I go along may not be the best strategy.

Take today. Friday I have a sitter all day so that I can get some work done. I generally work from home, unless I have to be in court or meet with a client. I realize I'm very lucky.

However, home is where the generally full refrigerator and freezer live. It is also where the DVR lives. And the XBox. And the couch. And bed. And cuddly beagles. You see what can happen then, yes? A whole lot of screwin' around, and not a whole hell of a lot of motion writing.

This is problematic.

So, every once in a while, I head to a coffee shop with free wifi to grab a cup of coffee and get some work done. I have to sift through my work bag first, lest I accidentally bring headphones or whatever I'm reading to the coffee shop with me and end up reading "just a chapter" or watching "just ten minutes" of whatever show I missed this week and then...you know...no motion writing.

My current favorite coffee shop to work is the Root in Lakewood. There are always open tables, the staff are friendly and, should I get very hungry, there are some vegan options on the menu. And the locally roasted coffee? Please. Color me in love.

So...this begs the question...does working at the Root and paying for coffee count as "spending money on myself" when I could work from home for free (or, y'know, allegedly work?).

After pondering my dilemma while driving Barrett to the sitter, I concluded that working at the Root and buying coffee is really in the best interest of my clients (*cough*). Therefore, my coffee is actually a work-related expense and does not count as "spending money on myself." And, because I brought my own coffee cup, I'm not actually generating any consumer waste. And because I'm using Root's power to keep my laptop running, I'm actually saving money, right? Right????

[Shit, I just realized I left my power cord at home. Oh well, still work expense.]

I fear that the next 28 days may be spend merely justifying my expenses rather than feeling guilty about them.

Day 1: Charity Doesn't Count

2010-11-11T07:14:00.003-05:00

Right? Right????!!!!???

Crap. It's only 7:15 a.m. on day one and I already bought something for myself.

BUT. 100% of the purchase price goes toward charity. To be specific, the money I spent to purchase this calendar goes to a beagle rescue organization. My purchase, then, was not entirely selfish and/or disgustingly consumerist (or at least, that's what I'm telling myself).

Honestly, I wouldn't have purchased the calendar had I not already committed to do so in an email to the calendar creator (or, at least, I'd have purchased it yesterday if I'd remembered to do so).

My guilt, however, is only nominal. For one thing, I've been checking the Daily Digital (formerly here, now here) since my dogs were just wee pups. I've always loved the site. When the first of the original three Kramer dogs, Scooter, passed away, I sobbed when I read the news. In fact, I couldn't even explain to A why I was crying because I would just cry harder every time I opened my mouth to explain (fine, I have issues).

In some small way, however, I feel like I know the Kramers and their beagles. They are smart and funny dog owners that love and take excellent care of their rescued hounds. I love that the creator of the Daily Digital, Laurie Kramer, created these calendars, found a printer to print them free of charge, and is selling them for a beagle rescue organization. So far she's raised over $1,500. This is something I can get behind.

So, there you have it. The calendar is not really for me, it is for homeless beagles (*wink*).

Now, excuse me while I go and try NOT to spend money.

Project November-ish

2010-11-11T05:25:00.004-05:00

Ok fine, I get it. Project November is definitely off to a late start. But, see, I have good reason. But first, the project...

Project November: Don't spend any money on myself for 30 days.

The reason I had to wait, of course, is that I saw my stylist last night for some much needed root work and shaping and I knew it would cost me. And, if I start today, I'll be finished with Project November-ish just in time to buy myself a thirty-*cough* birthday gift [well, not really, I'll be able to make a purchase the day after my birthday...close enough].

I'm really not a shopper, but I'm a spender, and somehow I manage to pull that off. A and I have a weekly allowance for the main purpose that sometimes we each want things that we don't have to justify to the other. A uses his allowance mainly for boy toys (think guitar stuff and computer stuff) and nights out with the guys. I use my allowance for books, movies, music, fancy cooking tools, clothes, shoes, and the odd lunch or dinner with pals (though I often try and justify putting the lunch on our joint debit card through some very flimsy arguments with myself).

I have, by and large, been pretty good about sticking with my allowance for the 2.3 years we've been married, but recently a few developments have caused me to overspend.

For one thing, something happened to me that hasn't happened since I was nineteen years old. Someone gave me a credit card.

For another, I've been spending a lot more time in court and with clients in the year since I passed the bar, I didn't have too many professional clothes to begin with, but then I had to go and have a baby and absolutely nothing fits these days, so my clothing expenses have gone way up (see: credit card).

Then I had to go and get a raise this week, and I'm spending way too much time thinking about buying even more things I ought not buy with the justification that I'd somehow earned the right to buy them with my fantastic lawyering skills (*cough*).

And let's not forget that I find excessive consumption gross and irresponsible, and all this spending is making me feel like a Rocky River mother complete with a sense of entitlement (less an expensive handbag with the name of an Italian designer emblazoned all over it and a sport utility vehicle). Call me judgmental, but I find all that time spent working just to buy more crap we don't need is shallow, wasteful, and downright immoral. I fear that if I don't stop going down this road, I'll end up screaming at homeless people to "go and get a job you bum" or (EGADS!) turning into Sarah Palin, and then it's all over.

Suffice it to say that I'm a few weeks ahead on my allowance, and I keep buying stuff (odd stuff, too, like way too many songs from iTunes) and I need to knock it off.

So, I'm going to try and spend the next 30 days not spending any money on myself, reminding myself of the difference between want versus need, and trying to put some positive things out into the world rather than needlessly consuming the world's resources at a breakneck pace.

I'll let you know how it goes.

Project October: Finale

2010-11-01T16:08:00.003-04:00

Ok, so I wasn't able to try 31 new recipes in 31 days, I only made it to 26. Sure, had I made some less complicated choices, I could have reached my goal, but everyone needs empanadas every once in a while.

At this point, I'm sick to death of my kitchen and, now that it's November, I'm making the Hubster cook dinner tonight (he's making fajitas).

All in all, though, I think the Project was a success. Having a deadline kept me from procrastinating. I'm having less difficulty with my writing, at both personal and professional levels. I managed not to buy any new cookbooks. And, let's not forget, I've tried some delicious new recipes, some of which (I'm lookin' at you Pineapple Cashew Quinoa) will make it into the regular rotation.

I've decided to continue Project October, less the ridiculous deadline (who has time to try a new recipe a day? Probably people who don't watch television). I've sifted through all of my cookbooks and have marked those recipes that I haven't yet made that I'd like to try. When all of the tabs on the pages in the above picture are gone, then I'll permit myself to buy some new cookbooks. This will take discipline and willpower, two things I'm not exactly known for. I'll post my success (and failure) here.

As for November, I've got a whole new project in the works, but more on that tomorrow. Until then, feast your eyes on my little Wolverine, and enjoy your leftover Halloween candy!

26: Manzana Chili Verde

2010-10-29T12:01:00.002-04:00

You can't win 'em all, Veganomicon, but I still love you, even in spite of this chili recipe.

To be fair, this chili isn't terrible, it's just not my cup of tea. A agreed with me. Neither of us could eat a whole bowl of this before heading to the Cavs home opener (GO CAVS!!!), so dinner consisted mostly of cornbread and cupcakes.

You can find the recipe here, if you're so inclined to make some. I wouldn't recommend it.

25: Double-Corn Skillet Corn Bread

2010-10-29T11:45:00.004-04:00

One of my favorite parts of Project October, besides eating lots of yummy food, is sitting down with a pen, paper, and cookbooks, and planning meals for the week while jotting down my grocery list. I suppose that most people do this on a weekly basis, but A and I were never planners. Essentially, we'd discuss dinner at around 2 or 3 pm, and one of us would stop at the store and pick something up to cook that night.

I suppose we got into this habit when we lived downtown, right next to the only grocery store (that I know of) in downtown Cleveland, Constantino's. I swear, we went there at least once a day. Grocery shopping was strictly done on an as needed basis. This was not necessarily easy on the checking account, nor was it easy on my thighs (because EVERY TIME I walked into the grocery store I was already hungry...you can imagine how that turned out).

So, some time over the weekend I'll plan about three dinners (the rest of the week is spent eating leftovers or going out to eat) and fill in the holes with things we need for breakfast and lunches. I now hit three (THREE!) food suppliers, the Basketeria at the West Side Market for organic and local produce, Nature's Bin in Lakewood for tofu, tempeh, weird vegan ingredients, and bulk beans, rice, and lentils, and my neighborhood Giant Eagle, for canned goods, cooking wine, stuff like that. This week I asked A what he'd like for dinner this week, and he had only one request.

"Chili and cornbread. And not that mole chili. I'm tired of that sh*t," he said [or something like that.]

So I made the double-corn variation of the Skillet Corn Bread from Veganomicon. A is very picky about his garlic bread. He likes the boxed Jiffy cornbread, which I refuse to make (besides, I think it has lard in it). Thankfully, A took one bite of this cornbread, made a "mmmmmmmm" sound, and declared that "this is how cornbread is supposed to taste.

Score.

Skillet Corn Bread (double-corn)

2 c. plain soy milk
2 t. apple cider vinegar
2 c. cornmeal
1 c. all-purpose flour
1/4 c. sugar
2 t. baking powder
1/2 t. salt
1/3 c. oil
1 c. fresh or frozen and partially thawed corn kernels
1 T. oil

Preheat the oven to 350.

Preheat a cast-iron skillet over medium heat. Saute the corn kernels in oil for about 7 minutes, until the corn is slightly browned. Transfer to a bowl. Don't wash the pan; you'll pour the batter right into it in a bit.

Combine the soy milk and vinegar in a measuring cup and set aside to curdle as you prepare everything else.

In a large mixing bowl, sift together the cornmeal, flour, sugar, baking powder, and salt. Create a well in the center and add the soy milk mixture and oil. Use a wooden spoon to mix together until just combined; some lumps are okay. Fold the corn into the batter.

Pour the batter into prepared cast-iron skillet. Bake for 30 to 32 minutes, until a toothpick or butter knife inserted through the middle comes out clean. Remove from the oven and let cool just a bit before serving.

23 & 24: Lemony Vanilla Cupcakes with Lemon Buttercream

2010-10-29T10:27:00.002-04:00

Mmmmmmm.....cupcakes...
These cupcakes only confirm what I've long known:

I'm in love with Isa Chandra Moskowitz and Terry Hope Romero.

These cupcakes, from Vegan Cupcakes Take Over the World, are perfect. I was in the mood for some lemony bakery, and so I gave these a shot. I wasn't sorry. They were perfect. Yeah, I realize this is more of an April cupcake than an October cupcake, but I could care less. These were heaven in a cupcake wrapper and the fact that I am supposed to be writing a brief mere steps away from the freezer, where the leftovers live, only means one thing:

I should just donate my pre-baby suits to charity, already. Here's the recipe:

Lemony Vanilla Cupcakes

1 c. soy milk
1 t. apple cider vinegar
1 1/4 c. all-purpose flour
2 T cornstarch
3/4 t baking powder
1/2 t baking soda
1/2 t salt
1/3 c. canola oil
3/4 c. granulated sugar
2 t vanilla extract
1 1/2 t lemon extract
1 T finely grated lemon zest

Preheat oven to 350 and line muffin pan with cupcake liners.

Whisk the soy milk and vinegar in a measuring cup and set aside a few minutes to get good and curdled.

Beat together the soy milk mixture, oil, sugar, vanilla, lemon extract, and zest in a large bowl. Sift in the flour, cornstarch, baking soda, and salt and mix until no large lumps remain.

Fill cupcake liners two-thirds of the way and bake for 20 to 22 minutes till done. Transfer to a cooling rack and let cool completely before frosting.

Lemon Buttercream

1/4 c. shortening
1/4 c. margarine, softened
2 c. confectioners' sugar
2 T fresh lemon juice
2 t finely grated lemon zest
1 t vanilla extract

In a small bowl, cream the shortening and margarine until well combined. Add the confectioners' sugar in roughly 1/2-cup additions. After each addition of sugar add a splash of lemon juice and beat well with a handheld mixer. Add vanilla and beat for another 3 to 5 minutes until smooth, creamy, and fluffy. Wrap tightly with plastic wrap and refrigerate until ready to use.

22: Creamy Corn-Filled Empanadas

2010-10-29T10:11:00.004-04:00

It takes some real dedication to make homemade empanadas. For me, it involved making the dough the night before...and somehow royally screwing it up and tossing it in the garbage.

This meant, on Empanada Day (oh yes, they are so tasty I believe capitalization is required), this meant that I had to hustle a pj-wearing Barrett to the grocery store after his morning bottle, in the rain, to pick up some more flour. Then, when Barrett was properly entertained by his organic oat cereal at the kitchen table, I tried the dough again with greater success.

I couldn't touch the dough again, however, until Barrett's nap time, when I managed to roll it out into the required 6-inch rounds. Then I prepped the filling. Later, during afternoon/early-dinner snack time, I made the filling. Finally, when the Hubster came home, I stuffed half of the empanadas and stuck them in the oven (I had neither the time nor the patience to do all 12, I'll have to get to those some time today).

But then, when they were done, and I'd reheated some leftover beans and rice and took a bite...then it all became worth it. Again, the photos are terrible and I really need to just keep my camera in the kitchen, already. Observe:

These empanadas were completely worth washing the food processor twice, the bread machine once, rolling the dough, accidentally dumping flour all over the inside of my silverware drawer, and using Barrett's nap time to bust my bum in the kitchen rather than writing a brief that is due immediately. Brief schmief.

Again, the recipe is from Viva Vegan. I made them in the hopes that they'd be delicious enough to take to next month's PTA meeting. They were definitely delicious enough, but I think they're a little large and a little too difficult to make. I may, however, try to make 18 smaller empanadas rather than 12 full size ones. I'm still not sure, however, that I want to be the mom that brings homemade empanadas to a PTA meeting. I may as well wear name tags that say, "I have no life" and "I enjoy rubbing my free time in others' faces."

We'll see.

21: Cuban Black Bean Soup

2010-10-29T09:58:00.002-04:00

I decided to give Viva Vegan's Cuban Black Bean Soup a shot last week. The first night I served the soup over steamed basmati rice, and it was pretty good. The hubster thinks that it would be even tastier with some Trader Jo's Soy Chorizo sausage, and he's probably right. The soup was definitely missing something.

I served the leftovers again last night, this time over the Yellow Rice with Garlic (sans cilantro) from the same book:

Now, a quick word about this yellow rice. It is...The. Best. Rice. You've ever tasted. I mean it. It's so simple, really. Annato-infused olive oil, lots of garlic, vegetable broth, and a little salt and pepper, that's all it takes. It's incredible. A and I usually eat it with Terry's Venezuelan-Style Black Beans or we stuff it in burritos or, if you're me, eat it cold while standing in front of the fridge. This rice is a life-changer.

I'm not going to post the recipes here because, though I know that Isa is cool with her recipes being posted online, I'm not sure how Terry feels about it. I highly recommend Viva Vegan for the yellow rice and Venezuelan black beans alone, however, so check it out.

19 & 20: Tempeh Wingz and and Maple-Mustard-Glazed Potatoes and String Beans

2010-10-29T09:44:00.003-04:00

We had some gorgeous weather here in Cleveland last week, and I was in the mood for some summer barbecue food. What do summer barbecues look like if you're vegan? Well, for me, they look something like this (only with less crappy visuals):

These are the tempeh wings from the Don't Eat Off the Sidewalk 'zine. You can get the recipe and look at the author's amazing blog here. The sauce, while yummy, could have used a bit more punch, but I like my hot food hot. The wings themselves, however, were delicious and crunchy and perfect. I'll definitely make the wings again with a different sauce.

These potatoes and beans, from VwaV (recipe here), are fantasic. I'm in desperate need of more yummy side dish and appetizer recipes for potlucks, and these will definitely make more than one appearance at gatherings in the next few months. We usually have the same old, same old side dishes around here (mashed potatoes, cajun oven-baked potatoes, szechuan green beans, roasted brussel sprouts, steamed broccoli, and the occasional sesame corn and edamame salad seem to be featured on one too many dinner plates in this house).

This meal made for a (relatively) quick weeknight dinner, the hubster was a huge fan, and everything still tasted great for lunch the next day. Now that the weather has taken a turn for the cold and rainy, however, I see a great many stews and soups in our future.

18: Big Gigantoid Crunchy Peanut Butter-Oatmeal Cookies

2010-10-28T21:35:00.003-04:00

The Hubster has been loving the vegan eats this month, yet every once in a while he needs a guys night out. At the top of his agenda on those guys nights is, apparently, eating as much meat as possible and then groaning in agony for the next 24 hours.

[Even his bachelor party was meat-centric. He went on a camping trip featuring bacon weaves and turduckens. Boys are gross.]

And, like I said, I'm sick to death of cooking. So, with the Hubster out with the boys and the Bear asleep in his crib, I ate a bowl of cereal.

And then I baked these:

And they were delicious. I ate two of them and drank a huge glass of Silk Nog while watching girlie movies. Recipe is from Vegan with a Vengeance, also available here.

17: Drunken Apple Cider, Dinner at the Flaming Ice Cube, and the Best Joke Ever

2010-10-28T20:49:00.007-04:00

[Yeah, that's right, I took this photo with my iPhone. *snort*]

So last weekend the hubster and I managed, at the last minute, to pull off a Hot Date Night. It's amazing the sort of forces that have to converge in order to make that happen these days. For us, it was a friends' downtown party invite, an overnight sitter, and a few extra bucks to book a swank hotel room for the night.

But then...other forces converged. The kind of forces that tend to ruin things like...beach vacations [c'mon, use your imagination]. I also woke up on Hot Date Night with a wretched cold. Definitely not ideal.

But we had a baby sitter, dammit. Hot Date Night must go forward. I also had a batch of drunken apple cider to share with party-goers, so to a party I was going.

What is drunken apple cider, you ask? Well, drunken apple cider occurs when you simmer a large pot containing a gallon of apple cider and gallon of apple juice together with 6 cinnamon sticks until the sticks aren't cinnamoney any longer, add 2 cups of sugar and bottle of Everclear, and then you have a real good time.

Here's the funny:

The directions were a little...unclear. I've never made these shots before, but I have fond memories of drinking them, years ago, at a dive in Parma back when I shot darts on a weekly basis. They were delicious...and lethal.

So I simmered the apple-y goodness and released the cinnamon and I added the sugar and I added the Everclear...and then...

...then we waited for them to cool down while we [the hubster and I] played generic Battleship and enjoyed our evening.

Now, if you know anything about alcohol, then you get the joke. At this point, however, I was still clueless.

So on Saturday night, after dropping Barrett off for the night, the hubster and I headed downtown and checked in at the Renaissance Hotel. We walked over to the Flaming Ice Cube, Cleveland's only vegan restaurant, and I tore into this fantastic pesto burger:
After finishing dinner with a mini peanut butter bundt cake with fudge frosting (not pictured) we took a cab to J&A's party where I introduced my two gallons of Drunken Apple Pie Shots.

"Be careful," I warned. "These are lethal, even though they're delicious. I suggest you make a mark on your hand with a marker, like so [pulling sharpie out of corduroy jacket pocket and marking the meaty part of my thumb with a slash], every time you drink one of these so that you don't overdo it. I don't want getting anyone sick."

And so, people drank. Carefully. Responsibly even. The apple pie shots were...delicious.

And the Hubster and I had an overnight sitter! And a swank hotel room! We could get a little giggley for the first time in...what...a year and a half!?! Yay!

And yet...I was as sober as a judge. By the time we took a cab back to our hotel, I had so many black marks on my thumb that I looked like I had some pretty major stitches. And I could have driven home without my glasses and with both arms tied behind my back. I was fine.

...and then...I figured it out. I put the 198 proof alcohol into the mix...right after I turned off the heat on the pot of shots. So...how much alcohol do you figure evaporated? At least...half?

I'm not that bright.

But I enjoyed our beautiful, beautiful hotel, our quiet night off from from being parents (well...we talked about Barrett all night, so it wasn't really "off"), and our headache-free morning.

And even though there was no little niblet to wake us up at 6:30 am...we both woke up that early anyway.

Project October: Update

2010-10-28T20:29:00.003-04:00

I have reached the point in project October where:

1. There are almost a dozen food photos saved on my desktop that I have not written about.

2. Those photos are some of the worst food photos ever taken or about to be posted online because: a) I took them with my iPhone 3G because I, b) dropped my iPhone 3GS in the toilet after a rowdy night of playing generic Battleship with the hubster and, c) by the time I'm finished cooking and am ready to eat I'm d) too lazy to go and get the real camera for a photo.

3. I'm sick to death...to DEATH...of cooking.

4. My house is full of yummy food which means that: a) I probably won't make it to 31 recipes by Sunday, and b) I'm eating way too much, which means c) I'll never fit into my pre-baby suit pants, and d) I'll lose my pending weight loss bet with the hubster to lose another 15 pounds before Barrett's birthday and loser? Loser has to cook and do all dishes for the first two weeks in November which means that e) I'll die in the kitchen.

5. I'm wondering if I count count frosted cupcakes as two *new* recipes. I'm deciding yes.

6. On another funny note, I decided that, for Project November, I'd give up watching television. Entirely. Because I'm watching too much tv. And this is bad.

7. Why is that funny? Well, I made the hubster call the cable company today and re-sign us up for cable.

8. I need to pick a new Project November.

9. I'm not sorry about the cable, though. I cannot live without watching basketball. I cannot. If I lived in Hawaii then sure, I could live without watching basketball. But winter here is cold. And dark. And miserable. And I'm going to watch basketball on the couch, in my jammies, with my beagles. "Too busy for TV" types should just keep their traps shut.

10. I heartily dislike superior, "too busy for TV" types. You've met them, I'm sure. They're the ones that roll their eyes when someone tries to discuss a television show before saying something like, "Hooooow do you evvverrrr find time to watch teeeeeevveeeeee?!? I can neveeeerrrrr manage it. I'm soooooooooooo busy."

11. What I really hear those people saying is, "I'm so important. I have many important things to do. You, however, are small and unimportant. You must have oodles of time to waste, sitting, on your couch, watching X. Loser."

12. These people are rude. There is a polite way to tell someone that you spend your time doing other things, but these No TV people never manage to be polite. Perhaps they need to watch more TV.

13. Anyway, I'm getting sidetracked. Prepare for some wretched, and I mean wretched, photos of food with lack-luster descriptions.

16: Red Lentil-Cauliflower Curry

2010-10-21T08:52:00.002-04:00

From 'Nomicon.

I had a sneaking suspicion yesterday, when tucking into this curry, that I've made it before. I couldn't really be certain, but I'm counting this as one of my 31 new October recipes, rules be damned.

This curry was yummy, and makes for a pretty healthy dinner. I was going to serve this with the Poppy Seed-Cormeal Roti that Isa & Terry suggest, but if anyone can tell me how to keep an eye on a simmering curry, a very excited 10.5 month old boy, all while kneading and rolling and brushing and folding and stove top cooking one piece of bread at a time, I'm all ears.

[However, if anyone has achieved such a feat, I suspect that you're either a) lying to to me, b) on drugs, or c) a robot.]

Here's the recipe. I'm sure it's delicious with Roti, but I'm not Supermom.

Red Lentil-Cauliflower Curry

3 T grapeseed or peanut oil
1 large onion, chopped
1 large chile pepper (jalepeno or serrano), minced
2 large shallots
1 (1/2-inch) piece fresh ginger, peeled and grated
1 large parsnip, peeled and chopped
2 t curry powder
1/2 t turmeric
1/2 t ground cinnamon
1/2 t ground cumin
1/2 t ground coriander
1.5 c red lentils, sorted and rinsed
4 c vegetable broth or water
1.5-2 pounds cauliflower (about one medium-sized head), trimmed and sliced into small florets
2 T chopped fresh cilantro
2 T lime juice
1.5 t salt

Have all of the ingredients chopped and readily at hand. In a large stockpot, heat the oil over medium heat. Saute the onion and shallots until tender and translucent, 5 to 7 minutes. Add the grated ginger and chile, and saute for 1 minute. Add the spices and briskly stir-fry for 30 seconds, then add the parsnip and stir-fry for another minute.

Slowly pour in the vegetable broth, then stir in the lentils. Cover the pot, raise the heat to high, boil for 1 minute. Give the mixture a stire, then cover the pot and lower the heat to medium-low. Allow the lentils to simmer for 10 to 12 minutes. They should turn light yellow and look mushy.

Add the cauliflower florets, stirring to coat with the lentils. Partially cover and simmer for 20 to 25 minutes, until the cauliflower is tender but not completely falling apart. Remove from the heat and stir in chopped cilatro, lime juice, and salt.

Allow the curry to sit, covered, for about 15 minutes before serving to allow the flavors to meld and the mixture to cool slightly.

15: Soba Noodle Salad with Ginger Peanut Dressing

2010-10-20T18:39:00.002-04:00

I discovered this recipe while paging through old issues of Vegetarian Times last week. My ritual when receiving each new issue of VT goes something like this:

1. Frantically grab magazine in a fiend-like manner, stroking it and calling it preciousssss for a few moments before heading to the kitchen to take a look.

2. Page through magazine exactly one time, looking only at the vegan recipes, and deciding whether or not I care to make any of them.

3. Toss magazine aside, usually on steps leading up to the office.

4. File magazine in "old magazine" cupboard.

5. Never cook a single item from magazine.

This is a highly effective strategy for wasting money, especially when you, like me, buy cookbooks as often as you buy...something else. That you never use. Or something.

So, I tried this noodle recipe (A and I are noodle-freaks) and I have to say, it was tasty. They were very, very saucy noodles. Very saucy. A thought they were delicious but a tad acidic, and I'd have to agree. That said, I'm happy that I doubled the recipe because the leftovers taste even better the next day and, really, they are quite yummy. They'd be tasty at a summer pot-luck or, y'know, whenever. Yeah.

14: Tempeh Sausage Pastry Puffs

2010-10-20T18:23:00.003-04:00

This dish rounded out my Play Date o' Fun last weekend. I find that I am seriously lacking in vegan appetizer-type foods to present to guests or to bring to PTA meetings, which is why I gave this one a shot. I can vegan sweet it up with the best omni cook, but challenge me to an hors d'oevres smack-down and I'll be out of the running before the introductions are made.

So here they are, the Tempeh Sausage Pastry Puffs from Vegan Brunch (recipe here).

The verdict? They were...meh. Not bad, not amazing, just ok. I'll be making them again this week for a PTA meeting (for the sad reason that the only other appetizers I know how to make are either vegetarian or are dips of some kind). I get nervous cooking vegan food at events like this. If it's not fantastic, people will think vegan food is mediocre. And if it's bad...well...

I'll need to start testing some yummier recipes before November's meeting. Pierogi, perchance?

13: Glazed Orange Scones

2010-10-20T12:45:00.003-04:00

I hosted a play date at my place late Sunday morning and decided to make one or two brunchey goodies to share with guests. I'd already enlisted A to make a double recipe of mock tuna salad to serve on crackers, and figured I just needed another savory and a sweet to round out the table.

So I tried my hand at the Glazed Orange Scones from VwaV. Prior to my making the scones, A complained that he didn't want scones because they were, "too dry and crumbly" and, often, he's right.

But not these bad boys.

These scones are ridiculously tasty, and strangely reminiscent of the orange glazed cinnamon rolls in the refrigerated tube that my mother and I used to make and devour. These are soft and doughy and moist and perfectly orangey and sweet. So go make some for your mother. I'll do the same.

Glazed Orange Scones (makes 1 dozen scones)
1/2 c. soy cream (rice or soy milk are fine)
3/4 c. rice or soy milk
1 T apple cider vinegar
3 c. all-purpose flour
1/3 c. sugar
2 T baking powder
1/4 t. salt
1/3 c. vegetable oil
3 T finely grated orange zest
Orange Glaze (recipe follows)

Preheat oven to 400 F. Lightly grease a cookie sheet.

In a measuring cup combine the soy cream, rice or soy milk, and vinegar. Set aside.

In a large mixing bowl, sift together the flour, sugar, baking powder, and salt. Add the rice milk mixture, oil, and orange zest; mix until just combined; the dough should be clumpy and not sticky. Even if there is still a light dusting of flour it's ok. [Note: I added a lot of extra flour because the dough felt too wet, everything turned out ok.]

Divide the dough in 2. Knead one portion a few times, then form into a 6-inch disk. Cut the disk into six slices, pizza-style), and place each slice on the prepared cookie sheet. Do the same with the remaining dough. Bake for 12 to 15 minutes, until slightly browned on the bottom and firm on top. Transfer to a cooling rack.

When cool (if they are slightly warm that is okay) transfer to parchment paper. Poor about 2 T Orange Glaze over the scones; let the tops set before eating.

Orange Glaze

1 c. confectioners' sugar
2 T nonhydrogenated vegan margarine, melted
2 T fresh orange jice
1 t finely grated orange zest

Sift the confectioners' sugar into a mixing bowl; add all the other ingredients and mix until smooth.

12: Tempeh Shepherdess Pie

2010-10-15T10:07:00.003-04:00

A.K.A: "What the hell is that and why is it so delicious?"

I took a risk and tried Veganomicon's Tempeh Shepherdess Pie this week. Why a risk, you ask? Well, A hates peas, and I'm not a huge fan of mushrooms, and this little dishy has both. It was a risk well worth taking.

Now, I've had "real" Shepherd's Pie exactly once, at a dinner stop on a Jack the Ripper Ghost Tour in London (oh yes, I am that cheesy). I washed it down with about a quart of cider, however, because I suspected that there was an actual shepherd in that pie. It was not good. In fact, none of the food in England was good, unless you count the bakery from a tiny bakery in Evesham that, vegan or not, I intend to eat the crap out of when next I go to jolly old England.

But this pie? This pie is so wonderful and feels so good in the tummy that I suspect if the English had made something this tasty back in the 1700s, the colonies would not have rebelled and we'd all have terrible teeth.

Here it is, fresh out of the oven:
And here, on my plate, about to get shoveled into my gob:
I'm really looking forward to these leftovers tonight. The recipe is entirely too long for me to duplicate here, but it only took around an hour, hour and twenty-minutes to make and really, just go and buy Veganomicon, already.

11: Sun-Dried Tomato Dip

2010-10-15T09:42:00.003-04:00

I've been spending a touch too much time in the kitchen this month trying to complete Project October, so I decided that I needed to try something a bit simpler for dinner this week. Enter the Sun-Dried Tomato Dip from Veganomicon:

Neither A or I are fans of the raw tomato. We love tomato sauces and (strangely) fresh salsa, but give us a slimy, booger-y slice of fresh tomato, and neither he or I want anything to do with it.

This spread, however, was delicious on a tempeh bacon, lettuce, and tomato sandwich, giving us that nice tomato-zing without the nasty sliminess of fresh tomato. I used the Tempeh Bacon Revamped from Vegan Brunch, romaine lettuce leaves, and a touch of Vegenaise on Breadsmith whole wheat bread. The result? Perfection. I so wish that I could walk in to a cafe or deli or food cart and order a sandwich like this in Cleveland.

We ate the sandwiches with Mulligatawny soup from Souper Market. I have to admit, it was nice not spending ages in the kitchen and, instead, have a nice simple dinner. Barrett agrees:
The next day I covered a slab of left-over bread from Souper Market with the tomato spread, topped it with some Daiya mozzarella, and stuck in under the broiler for a few minutes. That and a side of steamed broccoli made for a tasty, filling lunch. A (my sweet omnivore) claims that the spread tastes fantastic on a turkey sandwich as well (strangely, he didn't send me a picture).

So go. Make some. Recipe Here:

Sun-Dried Tomato Dip
yield: aprox. 3 cups

2 c. sun-dried tomatoes (dry ones, not oil-packed ones)
2 c. boiling water
1/2 c. slivered or sliced almonds
1/2 c. cooked white beans, drained
2 cloves garlic, chopped coarsely
1/4 c. olive oil
2 T lemon juice
1/8 t. salt
Several pinches freshly ground black pepper

Place the tomatoes in a bowl and pour 2 cups of boiling water over them. Cover with a plate and let soak for about 15 minutes.

In a blender or food processor, grind the almonds to a powder. Use a slotted spoon or tongs to remove the tomatoes from the water (don't discard the water) and add them to the almonds. Add the remaining ingredients and puree, adding up to 1/4 cup of the tomato water and scraping down the sides often until smooth.

Cover and chill for at least an hour.

9 & 10: Curried Udon Noodle Stir Fry and Seitan Cutlets (and Worst Food Photography Ever)

2010-10-11T21:38:00.003-04:00

Don't let my grosstastic photograph above, taken with my been-dropped-too-many-times iPhone, fool you. These noodles? They'll change your life. Your boyfriend will run off with these noodles because, let's face it, these noodles will do things that you won't even consider doing in the kitchen. Trust me. I wouldn't lie to you.

What's more exciting than these noodles? How about the fact that I, for the first time in my ENTIRE LIFE, made a roux? Successfully? And it was, dare I saw, amazing? Granted, the first several times I tried to make a roux I was following the directions of my grandmother whose directions when it comes to cooking are vague at best, downright misleading at worst.

But damn. These noodles? Life changers. The recipe is from Veganomicon. You can find it here.

I also made the Seitan Cutlets from the 'Nomicon, and I'm not putting the recipe here. Why? Cause they made me angry. Trying to shape those darn things into less than 1/2" cutlets about did me in. You'd need a steam roller to get them flatter than 3/4". Also, they're ugly little cusses. The texture? Way too soft and rubbery. However, they really did work in the udon noodle dish, mainly because I managed to crisp them up considerably in a bit of peanut oil before slicing them for the stir-fry. However, now I'm stuck with 4 cutlets that I have no idea what to do with.

Suggestions are, of course, welcome.

8: Tailgate Salsa

2010-10-11T21:10:00.004-04:00

Some people manage to cut up a bunch of veggies, add beans and tomatoes, tear up some herbs, and create delicious salsa with little thought or effort.

I am not one of those people.

It's a shame, really, considering that I planted dozens of tomatoes and peppers this summer and found myself harvesting basket after basket of salsa ingredients, only to give them away or watch them go south in my refrigerator (I discovered that I had time to garden this summer or time to cook, but not both).

On a related note, a few months ago our friends J & A joined us on a boat ride in the harbor to take a peek at the tall ships. This was Barrett's first ride on the Patrimpas, the J family sailboat, and he was just thrilled about it. Observe:

After our sail, the group of us headed to the north wall of EYC to catch up, have a few refreshing beverages, and dig into J & A's homemade salsa that was, get this, made from an actual recipe. Finally, someone made some delicious salsa and could actually tell me how to replicate it without looking at me like I had three heads and saying, "Ummm, you just cut up some vegetables (doofus). It's not rocket science."

So this weekend, when the weather forecast for Sunday's Browns game was August-like and some friends invited us tailgating downtown, I did what any lazy vegan would do and told my husband to make me some salsa. The result? Tasty deliciousness. Observe:

Here's the recipe, in case you too are unable to make salsa without a recipe:

Lazy Tailgate Salsa

1 16oz can black beans, rinsed & drained

1 9oz package frozen corn, thawed & drained

1 cup chopped ripe tomatoes

1/2 cup diced white onion

1/4 cup minced green onion

1/4 cup balsamic vinegar (our friends advise that most of the time they've left this out completely, using the entire amount can be a little overpowering)

2 tbsp minced parsley

2 tbsp fresh cilantro

1 tbsp Louisiana style hot sauce

2 garlic cloves, pressed

1 tsp chili powder

1 tsp sea salt

1 whole dried chile pepper, crushed (or crushed red pepper)

1/2 tsp black pepper

1/2 tsp cumin

1/3 cup vegetable oil (you can get away with halving it)

Dump everything in a bowl, stir, and serve. Enjoy while tailgating and resist the urge to dump your large bowl of salsa over the head of the totally bad-ass 22-year old frat boy that dumped an entire cup of beer on your windshield because he got angry that you made him move his beer pong table. Remind yourself that not all Browns fans are complete d-bags. Repeat as necessary.

7: Cornbread Biscuits

2010-10-08T11:06:00.002-04:00

When eating sloppy jambalaya for days and days at a time, it is best to serve something yummy and delicious to go alongside it. If you really want to fit into your pre-baby clothing, you could probable make steamed broccoli or something. If you enjoy self-defeat, you could make the Cornbread Biscuits from Vegan Brunch.

If you make them, however, be prepared to smother them in Earth Balance or Earth Balance and strawberry jam or just wash them down with a giant glass of soy milk and then deal with a husband, roomie, girlfriend, or other random housemate who is angry that you ate all of the Cornbread Biscuits and he/she didn't get any.

Side note: it looks like I'll be making Cornbread Biscuits again this afternoon.

[Oh, and the recipe claims to make 20-22. I made 14 large biscuits so that I could squeeze them all on one cookie sheet in my moody oven. I didn't need to extend the baking time, they baked perfectly.]

2 c. flour
1 c. stone-ground cornmeal
1/4 c. sugar
2 T. baking powder
1/2 t. salt
1/3 c. canola oil
1 c. non-dairy milk
2 t. apple cider vinegar

Preheat oven to 400. Grease two baking sheets (or use one for two batches if your oven is too small and your baking sheet is too large, but I don't advise placing the sheets on two oven racks as they need to heat evenly).

Combine the flour, cornmeal, sugar, baking powder, and salt in a large mixing bowl. Make a well in the center and pour in the oil, milk, and vinegar. Gently mix until all the ingredients are just moistened (some lumps of flour in the batter are just fine).

Use a tablespoon to dole out heaping spoonfuls of batter onto the baking sheets about 2 inches apart. Bake biscuits for 12 to 14 minutes, until the tops are firm. The bottoms should be lightly browned. They can cool on the baking sheet, no problem. Let them sit for about 10 minutes, then serve warm. They're good at room temp, too, though.

[Variation: Add 1/4 c. chopped seeded jalapenos for a spicy treat.]

6: Brooklyn Pad Thai

2010-10-08T10:41:00.004-04:00

My Sweetness wanted some noodley deliciousness for dinner this week, and so I decided to try my hand at the Brooklyn Pad Thai from VwaV (you can find the recipe here).

Overall, I was pleased with the results, but there are definitely some things I'd change if I made it again.

For instance, the large pieces of tofu were a little off-putting for both A and I. Next time I'll cut the pieces much smaller and fry them in a dry cast iron pan like I do when I make the Otsu from 101 cookbooks (you can vegan it up by using agave rather than honey, it is delicious). Also, I used very thin rice noodles because that was what I had on hand. I think that this will taste much more delicious with a broader noodle (though, I wonder if I should either use less noodles or more sauce to get the desired effect). Finally, the large pieces of green onion were just icky. When I was cutting them into 1.5 inch pieces as directed, I suspected that the onions would be an issue and I should just slice them thinly. I should have followed my gut on that one.

Another word on Isa's serving sizes. The recipe advises that this recipe serves four. Four? Four what? Bunyans? A and I heaped huge piles of noodley-deliciousness on our plates and stuffed at least another four serving's worth into the fridge after dinner. Four? C'mon now, the recipe makes over two pounds of food! That said, the leftovers are still delicious.

This recipe does have lots of potential, and I think I'll try it again one day when I have the right noodles. I'll also try, next time, not to make such a damn mess in the kitchen. A was amused at all the places he found noodles after dinner, and was more amused when I defended myself by stating that "stir fries are too stressful."

5: Sparkled Ginger Cookies

2010-10-08T10:27:00.002-04:00

For many moons, now, I've been hitting up Breadsmith in Lakewood, a mere two miles from my home, when I'm in desperate need for some yummy vegan bakery. Sure, I'm still trying to fit into my pre-Barrett work suits, but life without cookies is a life that I'm not all that interested in living, thank you very much.

A bakery called Sweetie Pie baked my favorite vegan treats at Breadsmith. When Sweetie Pie hired a vegan, I was in heaven. I could pick up tasty ginger cookies, Aud and I could split a giant chocolate chip cookie, and the cherry almond scones kept me fueled on my 75-mile bike ride to Cedar Point in August. When I wanted bakery and Breadsmith was closed, I could head to the nearby Nature's Bin and buy Sweetie Pie bakery there.

But then Mrs. Sweetie Pie closed her business. And I? I'm flippin' devastated. When I want cookies, I need not to bake them, see, because I'll eat the whole damn batch myself. And those suits? They may never fit again!

But this week I made the Sparkled Ginger Cookies from VwaV, suits be damned, and I'd be willing to bet a pound or two of flesh that Sweetie Pie used this recipe for their delicious ginger cookies. Immediately after they were baked, I wasn't thrilled with them. They were real "tooth breakers," but my sister opined that they were deliciously crunchy on the outside and chewy on the inside. After eating a half a dozen, I still wasn't sold.

But a few hours later, the cookies developed the lovely, chewy deliciousness that hooked me on the Sweetie Pie cookies to begin with. These will definitely make the Christmas Cookie platter this year. You can find the recipe here.

Just, you know, try not to eat them all yourself.

4: Seitanic Red and White Bean Jambalaya

2010-10-05T21:43:00.002-04:00

Don't be too put off by what will only sound like bitching and criticism. This recipe wasn't that bad, but it definitely falls in to the category of Things I Will Never Make Again.

First, I purchased the wildly expensive store bought seitan in the blue box (can't remember the brand) because I love the taste and texture of it and none of the homemade seitan I've tried so far compares with its lovely deliciousness. That said, the $11/pound seitan was completely wasted in this recipe because, when all was said and done, all that was left after ages of prep and cooking was one big pile of slop. Observe:

This dish is just a big wet pile of...wet stuff. The taste wasn't bad, but it was rather bland, and Aud and I sprinkled a fair amount of smoky tabasco sauce all over it.

Even more troubling was the amount of food this recipe yielded. Veganomicon advises that this recipe serves six. Six sumo wrestlers, maybe, but Aud and I choked down as much as we could and put the rest in the fridge for what I can only guess will be the next 6 days worth of lunches...for both of us. There's nothing worse than busting ass to make dinner only to have it taste rather meh and then get stuck eating it for the rest of your life.

That said, I'm enjoying my little family's dinners together. Aud and Barrett and I gather around the table and Aud and I eat dinner while Barrett sings and snacks and generally bowls us over with his general awesomeness. Growing up, my family never sat down together for dinner (or if we did, I have no recollection of it) and I'm so in love with the idea of Barrett remembering us all sitting together, talking and laughing.

Anyway, should you find yourself wanting to make yourself enough jambalaya-flavored slop to feed an army, you can find the recipe here.

3: Pumpkin Pancakes

2010-10-04T11:13:00.003-04:00

I made the Pumpkin Pancakes from Vegan Brunch (recipe below) this weekend and ate a warm, filling, comfort-food sized portion of them on Saturday morning before heading out on the lake for a sail. Aud and I were lucky enough to have a sitter on Saturday and Sunday morning, so we decided to race this weekend.

I found myself wishing, however, that I'd eaten these pancakes on Sunday morning for the Final Gun than before Saturday's Sea Dog. The weather was absolute shyte both days, cold and rainy and not windy enough to make things really interesting on the water. On Sunday, however, we found ourselves sailing right between two dicey weather systems. What did this mean? Well, there wasn't much wind, what with a low pressure system rotating around our position. There were, however, some *fantastic* six to eight feet swells on the Lake. The water was, in a word, rough.

You should know, then, that when I say *fantastic* what I really mean is, "oh god oh god oh god please please please get me to shore before I have to use the bucket agai..." at which point I reach for the bucket. So there I was, happily trailing the jib, trying like hell to keep my act together for about the first 20 minutes of the race. For the rest of the race, however, I hugged my bucket for dear life while pushing the captain (who is one hot fellow, I'll have you know) away from the back of the boat so that I might lay my head on the deck while slightly hanging off the back of the boat.

The reason I was thinking about pancakes at this point had to do with the fact that Aud and I had been running late on Sunday morning, too late to pour a bowl of cereal or reheat pancakes. Instead, we stopped at Einstein on the way to Edgewater where I ordered a plain bagel with hummus. The hummus was very, very garlic-ey. Pumpkin pancakes, on the other hand, are remarkably garlic-less. I suspect that their lack of garlic would mean a less painful feeling in one's esophagus when hugging a bucket, hanging off of the back of a sailboat, praying for the end of a stupid sailboat race. Somehow, I think the ginger in the pancakes may have helped me keep it together. And you never know, I may have had the same comfort-food feeling when losing my pancakes as I had when consuming them.

However, should you just be in the mood for some pumpkin pancakes, these aren't bad. Sadly, I don't enjoy vegan pancakes as much as I enjoyed their egg/dairy-laden cousins, but I suspect that I may just suck at making pancakes. In any event, here's the recipe:

Pumpkin Pancakes (makes 6 six-inch pancakes)

3/4 cup pureed or canned pumpkin
2 T. canola oil
3/4 cup almond milk (or any nondairy milk)
1/2 cup water
2 t. apple cider vinegar
2 T. pure maple syrup
1 t. pure vanilla extract
1 cup all-purpose flour
2 t. baking powder
1/2 t. salt
1 t. ground cinnamon
1 t. ground ginger
1/4 t. ground nutmeg
pinch ground cloves
cooking spray

In a large mixing bowl, whisk together pumpkin, oil, milk, water, vinegar, maple syrup, and vanilla. Add the flour, baking powder, salt, and spices. Mix until there are very few clumps left. As usual, be careful not to overmix.

Preheat a large, heavy-bottomed, nonstick skillet (cast iron preferred) over medium heat for at least 3 minutes. You'll know the pan is hot enough by adding a drop of water--the water should dance around the pan, but the pan should not be smoking.

Spray the pan with a light coat of cooking spray (or a very light coat of oil). Pour pancakes in 1/2 cup measurements, one at a time, and cook until the top looks somewhat dry (about 3 minutes). Flip over and cook for another minute.

Transfer to a plate covered with tinfoil to keep pancakes warm while you prepare the others.

1 & 2: Pineapple Cashew Quinoa Stir Fry and Marinated Asian Tofu

2010-10-04T10:46:00.003-04:00

I was feeling spendy the other day and made a trip to my favorite health food store on the east side which is located conveniently (or not so conveniently) near a Borders Book Store. I then selected $100 worth of vegan cook books and strode up to the cashier before I had a very inconveniently timed fit of reason and dumped all of the books on a nearby table before dashing out the door, having purchased nothing.

I reasoned, at the time, that I had dozens of cookbooks at home and had only tried a few recipes in each and did not need to spend $100 on more. I also reasoned that I had dozens more magazines that I’d merely glanced through, having not tried a single recipe. Finally, I let the vision of the sailboat that Aud and I want to purchase float through my consciousness before convincing myself that I could order said cookbooks from the library, should I feel so inclined.

And my reasoning, on that afternoon anyway, worked. And it’s a good thing, too, otherwise I may not have tried the Pineapple-Cashew-Quinoa-Stir-Fry (recipe here) or the Asian Marinated Tofu (recipe below) from Veganomicon last week.

Veganomicon has been hit or miss for me up to this point, but after a quick count I’ve only tried 15 of the recipes (of course, the Lower-Fat Deep Chocolate Bundt Cake alone made the book worth purchasing). After these two recipes, however, I may never let this cookbook out of my sight again.

For the stir fry, I recommend that the quinoa be made the night before and prep be done in advance for a quick week night dinner. I think that the 14-minute stir fry after all the ingredients are in the pan is waaaaay too long. I halved the time and everything was perfect. I also marinated the tofu for about four hours instead of the recommended one hour, which may explain why it was spicy as hell but still oh so delicious (I believe Aud said something to the effect that he’d like to marinate everything in the house in the tofu marinade).

Marinated Asian Tofu (I baked my tofu, because my house is freezing and I wanted to warm things up. I'll bet the grilled tofu is just as tasty)

1 pound extra firm tofu, drained and pressed (a really firm brand, like Tree of Life, works well here)
1/2 cup mirin
3 T. tamari
2 T. rice wine vinegar
1 T. sesame oil
2 T. Asian chile sauce (I used Sriracha)
1-inch chunk of ginger, peeled and chopped coarsely
2 cloves of garlic, smashed

For Grilled Tofu:

Cut the tofu widthwise into four equal pieces. Marinate for an hour, flipping over after 30 minutes.

Grease a stove-top grill pan (preferably cast iron) with vegetable oil. Preheat over a high flame for about 3 minutes. Use tongs to distribute the tofu slabs evenly onto the grill. Gently use the tongs to press the tofu into the grill ridges, to get nice dark lines. Cook for 3 minutes on one side without lifting, then turn the slabs 90 degrees to crease a crosshatched pattern on the bottom of the tofu. Cook for 2 minutes. Move to a cutting board and cut each piece diagonally across into two triangles with a sharp knife.

For Baked Tofu:

Preheat the oven to 400 F.

Cut to tofu widthwise into 8 equal pieces. Marinate for an hour, flipping after 30 minutes.

Place the tofu on a baking sheet and bake for 20 minutes. Flip over and bake for another 10 minutes. Place in the broiler for about 3 more minutes for extra chewiness.

Operation October: Day 1

2010-10-01T14:12:00.002-04:00

I am having a problem writing these days. I’m not sure what is going on, but when I sit down and try to convert the material in my brain into cogent written text, something goes terribly, horribly wrong. On a personal level, the results have been disastrous. I’m unable to send a decent email. I haven’t been able to contribute meaningfully to my online book club. My many blogs have gone to seed, postless for months at a time. My personal journal? Haven’t written in it since my first year of law school.

I went from documenting every banal occurrence of my life to writing…nothing (well, I can crank out a Facebook Status like it’s nobody’s business). I didn’t write much about law school, meeting or marrying Aud, or the stress of finding the right career path. Then there’s the biggest gap. I haven’t written a damn thing Barrett, about becoming a mother.

And let’s not forget the havoc my inability to write has caused on my professional life. 90% of my job is writing. Letters, emails, motions, briefs, case assessments, memos… I’d say that it’s like pulling teeth to get these things written, but it’s worse. It’s like…well, there you have it. I can’t think of a humorous simile. I could sit here for an hour and still not come up with one. This annoys me.

I’ve figured, then, that I need to practice. I thought, ok, I’ll write about the first time Aud and I took Barrett sailing. And then…crickets. Then I thought, ok, I’ll write about the strange and miraculous world that is the PTA. And then…more crickets.

I need to start with something much more basic. Something much more…”the cat sat on the mat.” Barrett sailing? That’s just too important for me to get wrong. I’ll save that one for later.

And so, for the next 31 days of October I’m going to post 31 entries here, on this much neglected blog, just to flex my writing muscles. My livelihood depends upon the success of this endeavor. But what to write about?

Well..food.

That’s right, I’m going to write 31 entries all about food. But not just any food. Vegan food. My only rules are these:

1. I must try 31 new recipes.

2. I must try no more than 5 dessert recipes.

I’m going to try and keep the recipes simple. I have found that I’m burned out on the same foods and I’ve gotten stuck in sort of a food rut. What’s more important, though, is that in the last four months I’ve had more people ask me about vegan food, vegan recipes, and vegan ethics than ever before. I figure, shit, I better get on the ball and find even more amazing recipes to share with people that I know to be considering a vegan diet. I don’t want to let these PTA moms down.

My hope, then, is that at the end of the next 31 days I’ll not only have some new favorites to share with friends, but that I’ve gotten over this crazy writers block that is beyond pissing me off. Here’s hoping.

Brace Yourself

2010-08-22T09:24:00.003-04:00

I joined a PTA this weekend.

Take a moment. Wrap your head around this. Me. I joined something. A PTA.

It takes a while to sink in, doesn't it?

While I haven't taken to wearing swishy skirts and using empty soy milk cartons to make planters quite yet, I am really hoping to meet some people and make some friends, something I am terrible at these days.

Of course, I can't help but remember the last time I hoped to meet some really cool people and make some really great friends (*cough*law school*cough*). It didn't turn out quite as well as I'd hoped. It was, to me, more like an experiment in how many assholes could be gathered in one room, but what do I know?

I'm much more hopeful this time. This PTA has a book club! Mama nights out! Play groups! Whee! Right? After discussing my PTA joinage with another couple of parents over mojitos last night, however, I'm scaling back on my enthusiasm. I forgot about the weird parent factor and the dangers to be faced if the Bearbot happens to make friends with the kid with the scary mother. I hadn't considered this.

The silver lining, I suppose, is that I'll have lots of people to make fun of if things go badly. I haven't had much bile to spill in a public forum since I stopped waiting tables and attending asshole school. My blog may get more interesting again. *fingers crossed*

Bearbot, Social Networking, and How I Plan to Save the World with Cookies

2010-06-09T20:51:00.004-04:00

And so begins my reentry into the world of blogging…

I was not really prepared for motherhood. What I mean to say is, I had no idea, none, the joy that has been in my home since the day we brought our little Bearbot into it. I have these moments, like tonight’s, when I was whipping up a double recipe of mole chili (yep, mole chili again) and polenta and I was listening to Aud in the next room, playing his guitar and singing Tom Petty, the Shins, Band of Horses, and Pink Floyd songs to the Bear while Barrett giggles and jumps in his bouncey-bouncey (I have no idea what the thing is really called), and I’m so bowled over with love and happiness and complete and utter contentment and I feel so lucky, so unbelievably lucky, and I wonder how on earth I could deserve such happiness. But here it is, in my house, with a pot of chili on the stove and two lazy beagles and a guitar-playing husband and a beautiful little boy in my sunny, happy, happy home.

And I also did not foresee that this bouncey-bouncey little baby boy would have me constantly questioning who I am, who I want to be, what I want to teach him, what example I want to be for him, what I want to show him, where I hope to take him, and what sort of parent I want to be. I find myself wanting to be the best possible person that I can be for him, to teach him, and to make him proud.

And I also did not expect goings on in the world to have such a crazy effect on me after I met my little Barrett. I was not always the kind of person who, for example, would see pictures of injured and hungry children in Haiti and completely lose my shit and be upset about the images for days, or weeks. I did not expect disturbing movies to give me horrible nightmares or stomachaches. I did not expect to cry at every image of the oil soaked wildlife in the Gulf and hate BP with a passion I reserve for all things chocolate and boys Lithuanian.

And I sure as hell did not expect to lay in bed awake at night, not because my baby is teething and screaming his head off (he has handled teething extremely well, thankfully), but because I’m trying like hell to figure out a way to do something, anything, to help ease the horrors in this world, the oil spills and the starving people and the crumbling planet and the abused animals and the social injustice, and I’m wishing that I could just sell everything that I own and pack up my family and my beagles and head to a distressed region and help tote clean water around or something.

But that’s not entirely realistic.

And I really don’t have a ton of money, although, sure, I can afford to donate.

But seriously, sending a check just doesn’t seem REAL enough to me. I want to DO something. I want to take action.

But let me back up a second.

Then there is my social networking problem (Facebook, to be precise). I spend a lot of time on Facebook. I justify this by telling myself that, since I work alone, from home, I need a “water cooler,” I need some way to communicate with people during the day, from my desk, while I’m working and, let’s be honest, it’s fun.

Side note: working from home, alone, has made me feel pretty isolated. This is something I need to fix, but I’m not really sure how.

And usually, usually I can turn a blind eye to a lot of the ignorant bullshit that people post Facebook, remind myself that some people are uninformed yet decent at heart, and go about my business.

But lately (read: since Barrett was born) I cannot, CANNOT, take the ignorance.

Would you like an example? Here’s one. This week, lots of people (the ones that don’t have many original thoughts and post things like “If you have a daughter who poops rainbows, copy and paste this to your status!”) have been posting something to the effect (affect? I can’t even remember anymore) of…

“Where are all the “Save the Gulf” concerts? Where are all the celebrities raising awareness of what is going on? Where are the Michelle Obama commercials? Why is it when something in Haiti, everyone is all “donate donate donate” but nobody takes any action when something happens in the (ahem) good ol’ US of A. Repost if you agree.”

And really, really, REALLY?! I could not let that one go.

So I tried, nicely, to explain how BP is responsible for making this right to those affected (effected? who makes these bullshit rules anyway!). How any dollar donated at some celebrity fundraiser would be one less dollar that BP would have to pay, how Haiti was an Act of God in an already devastated region (where over 50% of people live on less than $1.25 USD every day and 75% of people live on less than $2.00 USD a day, where people are starving to death, where there is no oil giant to make things right).

In case you were wondering, the responses I got went something like this:

“All of you democrats are just sitting around, trying to find ways to blame this one on George W. Bush because of all of his oil ties” I also heard, “You’ll probably be the first to complain when seafood prices go through the roof” and “Why aren’t countries like Haiti coming to our aid when we need help? When will they return the favor?” or “People in the US need to keep their money here” and also “Why is your Obama just sitting on his ass, doing nothing????”

W. T. F???!?!?!? Bush? What does he have to do with anything? I don’t eat seafood, never really did and, anyway, haven’t eaten animals in 5.5 years, thanks all the same. And Haiti? Are you that stupid? Are you seriously that ignorant that you have no idea how wealthy this country is and how poor the rest of the world is? Are you that stupid? And what the hell would you like Obama to do? Most Obama critics are usually against big government, right? So you don’t want government oversight until there’s a crisis, and then there should have been government oversight? You stupid, ignorant hillbillies.

And here, my readers (both of you), is the crux of my problem. Things like this gnaw at me for days. Weeks. Months. I am becoming more and more cynical about people. I am becoming angry at the world. I don’t want to be like this. I don’t want to teach my son this. I want to be, and I hope that he becomes, a positive force in this world. But right now, I feel utterly helpless. And I need to do something, but I’m struggling to figure out what that something is.

And this reminds me of one of my embarrassingly idealistic reasons for going to law school. I hoped that it would help me, somehow, make the world a better place. I’ve since come to the conclusion that maybe some people can use their legal expertise to make the world a better place but I genuinely don’t see that as an option for me anymore.

Which reminds me of the scene in Stranger than Fiction when Maggie Gyllenhaal’s character told Will Ferrell’s character that she’d originally decided to go to Harvard Law to make the world a better place but eventually realized that if she was going to make the world a better place, she would do it with cookies (make the world a better place with cookies, not get it on with some bakery, for goodness’ sake).

This scene always brings tears to my eyes. When I saw the movie, I just wanted to figure out how to quit law school too so that I could make the world a better place with cookies. But life isn’t like the movies. I couldn’t afford to go to Harvard, and I sure as hell couldn’t afford to quit school and start my own bakery that, somehow, manages to give away lots of food and yet still stay viable in this shaky, economy.

Side note: Aud’s uncle owns a bread store. He was just, “to hell with this corporate world” and somehow scratched together what he needed to open it. He works hard, long days but loves that he is feeding people, that he gives bread away at the end of the day to feed the homeless, that he is creating something simple, and good, and wholesome, and (damn) tasty. Aud and I are both extremely envious of him. We have been looking for years for our own bread store. We’ve entertained plenty of ideas. My favorite? A bookstore (with both used and new books like the one in Tremont whose name I can’t remember) with a bar inside in Lakewood. Books and beer? Who couldn’t love it? But it would be a huge risk. And there’d be realllly long hours. And I am lucky enough to have a job that I don’t hate that pays me enough that I work 20 hours a week, from home, whenever I feel like it. This leaves me lots of time to spend with my beautiful, beautiful little boy and my singing husband and my snozzy dogs.

And the other day, a friend said something so thoughtful and flattering that it still gives me warm fuzzies just thinking about it. She was at a benefit for the Friends of the Cleveland Kennel (an art auction) and apparently there was some fancy cupcake maker there and my friend grabbed a card for me and told me, “you could do something like this.” [I make Christmas cookies every year as gifts and, apparently, she thinks they are yummy enough to sell.]

But again, I’d have to make a lot of cookies to quit my cakewalk law job. But then, I’ve been thinking (my goodness, this is going to be a long entry), maybe I could make cookies….and sell them to make the world a better place?

Which reminded me of organizations like the Great American Bake Sale and the Worldwide Vegan Bake Sale and I was all like, “Perfect! I can bake cookies for a bake sale and maybe help out at the table and then, whoohoo, send some money to people that really need it!” But, as luck would have it…

I can’t find a single frigging bake sale that needs my cookies.

So…sigh…I guess I’ll have to organize my own.

But how much can one bake sale really do anyway? I mean, I know every little bit helps, but I don’t think one bake sale will make me feel all that much better.

I’m sure you’ve all noticed, but it’s summer time. One of my favorite summer time activities is heading to farmer’s markets. It feels so great to support local farmers and businesses, to buy locally, to feel like I’m making a difference by buying the green beans from old Mrs. Whatshername from just west of the city than from Giant Eagle where the beans probably came from the other side of the planet. I like the sense of community, the tents, the dog-walkers, the festival feel of the markets.

And how cool would it be, anyway, to go to your local farmer’s market and not only buy green beans and bushels of peaches and, ok, fine, the stinky cheese that your husband likes, if someone were having a bake sale there? And people could get cheap cookies? And all the money could go to provide clean water to people that don’t have access to it? Or to feed the hungry? Or to help women in developing nations start their own businesses and feed their families?

And really, those bakesalers would not have to do much in the way of promotion. Those markets are pretty well known and well advertised. They’d make a killing.

And how cool would it be if I could take my little Bear with me to work at these sales, to sell cookies and brownies and cake, to color posters the night before telling people that $2 can feed three hungry children (thanks for the tip, UNICEF!). What a great way to, say, spend a Sunday morning since, y’know, I won’t be taking him to church but will, instead, try to teach him about community, civic responsibility, volunteerism, charity, and COOKIES.

But nobody does this.

Yet.

But maybe I can.

And then maybe more farmer’s markets will set aside one table…and people will bring their cookies and pies and cakes and sell them…and maybe things will get a little better.

Big Thoughts

2010-02-08T19:03:00.003-05:00

I've got 'em. I swear I do. They're big. I mean it. And profound. But I don't have time to write them down. Nope. I'd prefer to wash the baby vomit off of myself with this, my spare time.

Request

2009-12-17T13:51:00.002-05:00

Please, for the love of me, if I read your blog, or if you even suspect that I read your blog, please oh pleasey please please, update it [soonish, if you don't mind].

Why?

Because I'm up most of the night and there's only so much I can take of Law & Order reruns, playing Bejeweled on my iPhone, and reading books on my eReader.

And I'm rather desperate for some sort of interaction with humans, and nobody seems to be on Facebook at four am. And something tells me that it's rude to call people at that hour.

Why am I awake?

Well, that's because He Who Must Be Held likes to sleep all day and party all night. That's right, I gave birth to a disco baby. This shouldn't come as a surprise. Look at who his parents are. The night we met we stayed out until six in the morning, talking about politics, religion, aliens, music, and books. So of course the Nugget is a third shift baby.

Oh, and he has a real name, now. Barrett Finn. We call him Bear. And Nugget. And Squidge, for some reason. He's perfect. I'm in love.

Lazy Mofo

2009-10-26T10:04:00.002-04:00

Ok, fine. I'm a terrible food blogger. As much as I love cooking and eating and trying new things in the kitchen, I find blogging about it to be tedious. Not only that, but my pictures are terrible and I have little if nothing to say about my kitchen adventures.

But I have been busy. I've made banana walnut waffles. I even invited friends over for brunch and made two pounds of tempeh bacon, a double recipe of tofu scramble, a triple recipe of crepes with baked apples, and two dozen pumpkin muffins with fresh cranberries. I've tried, and failed, to veganize my grandmother's almond tarts another two times. I tried (devoured, really) the vegan meatloaf special at Melt. I assure you, there has been a lot of cooking and eating going on.

I just don't care to write about it.

I will say, however, that a couple of weeks ago I discussed the results of some blood work with my obstetrician. After telling me that I'd passed the test for gestational diabetes with flying colors and that I was, surprisingly, not anemic, she said the following:

"My vegetarian and vegan patients have better nutrition than my omni patients."

Boo. Ya.

In other news, I *did* get a beautiful new camera from my parents yesterday at my baby shower, so when I do start posting pictures of things again, they won't suck (as badly). I've also finally started to get the nursery ready, so it looks like my baby won't be sleeping in a drawer after all. I'm also beginning to have trouble fitting through doorways.

Tonight, I'm off to Toledo for a SSPU show. And tomorrow, joy of joys, is the Cavs home opener against Boston, which I will be attending. It is highly likely that I will hyperventilate every time I see Shaq block a shot. I expect, too, that I will get a bit misty when the players are first introduced. I will blame my hormones, which will of course be a lie.

Then, finally, on Friday I discover whether or not I passed the bar. I'm hoping for the best, mostly because while my son's friends will, at this point, have plenty of opportunity for "yo momma's so fat" jokes, I'd like to not open the door to "yo momma's so stupid" jokes.

Operation Freezer Fill: Mole Chili

2009-10-14T08:51:00.002-04:00

With the birth of the Nugget due to occur in a mere 7 weeks and 6 days, I've ramped up efforts to fill our freezer full of healthy eats since I know that neither the hubster or I will feel much like cooking for at least a month or two. To assist my efforts, we bought a little chest freezer for our basement, hoping it would come in handy not just for the post-Nugget season, but for cookie-bakage and, eventually, baby food making.

So this week, I whipped up a double batch of the Mole Chili from VWAV. I like to make mine with tempeh and, usually, I substitute pinto beans for the kidney beans, because kidney beans are too darn big and nobody needs that much bean in one mouthful (I know, I know, "that's what she said.") Somehow, though, this time around I forgot all about my kidney bean aversion and used them, anyway.

This chili is The. Best. Chili. Ever. The hubster is making it for a chili cook-off at his work next month, that's how much we love the chili. I like to eat it over mashed yams or sweet potatoes or baked potatoes, poured over tortilla chips and topped with shredded lettuce, salsa, and Sour Supreme, or topping a tofu dog with enough chili that it drips on my plate, so that I can scoop it up with potato chips.

Here's a big bowl of the stuff served over mashed yam or sweet potato (I have no idea which one is which), with a side of corn spoon bread that I found in a vegan cook zine that I bought ages ago:

Now that I've got enough chili in the freezer to last until the Nugget gets his first tooth, I've got to come up with a few other ideas for food-freezage. So far we've got some VWAV corn chowder and Veganomicon's cauliflower curry (see the heavy Isa theme?), but I'm sort of out of ideas. So if anyone reading this has any great recommendations for freezer food, give me a holler!

Veganizing Christmas Cookies: Gran's Almond Tarts

2009-10-13T07:45:00.005-04:00

Right.

So trying to cook, let alone veganize, my Gran's recipes is...difficult. For one thing, her recipes are pretty stark when it comes to instructions. Generally, what you'll see is a list of ingredients, a temperature, and a time. Luckily, I grew up in the same house with her. When it was Christmas cookie baking time, I'd be in the kitchen watching her every move until she got tired of me and sent me to the kitchen table to mold my very own pile of dough. I absorbed enough by watching her to be able to figure out how to make the cookies.

But then, my English Gran's English is not necessarily my English. I'll usually have to call her when I come across a line that reads "2 - 3 oz. cream cheese." I'll call and ask, "Gran, does that mean between two and three ounces of cream cheese, or two three ounce portions of cream cheese? And how did you measure these portions, since cream cheese usually comes in half-pint containers?" And she'll respond with something like, "just use a half a pint of sour cream," leaving me, of course, completely flumoxed.

Last year, when I made my favorite almond tarts for the first time, I had the recipe for the dough written down, called her with the above question, was told to use her butter tart dough recipe instead. She then read said butter tart dough recipe to me, which was completely different than the butter tart dough recipe that she'd written down for me.

The way that I know we're related, of course, is that I wrote down the following:

4 cups flour

Pinch salt

1 lb. oleo

1/2 pint sour cream

However, what I think she said, and what I'm pretty sure that I used, was 1/2 pint cream cheese for the sour cream. We're messes, the both of us.

Veganizing the dough was a snap. I used a soy margarine that I discovered recently called Willow's Creek. Yes, there are hydrogenated oils in it. No, I don't care. Why, you ask? Because the WC margarine is, like, half the cost of Earth Balance Buttery Sticks, and when you make 1,000-2,000 Christmas cookies each year, the cost of all that EB will ruin me. And, has anyone else noticed that EB has a funky smell to it when cooked? The hubster tells me that I'm crazy, but seriously, I smell it, and it grosses me out.

I also subbed Tofutti Better than Cream Cheese for the cream cheese. Yes, the stuff is expensive. However, the one recipe of dough will yield at least six dozen tarts (I'm still not done using it all), so one or two tubs of the stuff each year won't bankrupt anyone. Maybe.

Veganizing the filling, however, is another story. The ingredients, and this is from memory, are something like:

3/4 cup ground almonds

1 cup confectioners' sugar

2 eggs

1/4 cup almond extract

2 drops green food coloring

I vaguely remembered an on-going cookie baking competition at Herbivore where the competitors would use the same cookie recipe, each use a different egg replacer, and then judge the results. I also vaguely remembered that the guy who used soy yogurt usually had the best results, so soy yogurt I used.

The results were not so good.

For one thing, the cookies did not taste almond-ey at all. I'm not sure if the yogurt overpowered the almond taste or what, but though the smell of the cookies baking was right on, the taste was not. For another, I cooked them for 30 minutes at 350 rather than 20 minutes, because the filling just wouldn't set. I eventually took them out of the oven just to keep the shells from getting too overdone.

Also, the things didn't rise, and the longer they cooled, the more they sunk in the middle. The taste wasn't terrible, but the insides were way too gooey. Not to mention, the poor things were just too ugly to frost (I use confectioners' sugar, soy half and half, vanilla extract to ice them and then top them with half of a candied cherry or two shelled pistachios). The hubster and I ate them, of course, but soy yogurt is definitely not the answer for these puppies.

Tonight, I think I'll try using soy milk curdled with apple cider vinegar and a little bit of baking powder to get the things to rise up a bit. I'll also add a little bit of almond extract to get the taste right. For now, some pictures of my first attempt.

Shaping the dough:

Filled and waiting to be baked:

Fresh out of the oven:

Sunken and goopy in the middle:

Veganizing Christmas Cookies: An Introduction

2009-10-12T09:21:00.005-04:00

Last Christmas, I baked oodles of Christmas cookies to bring to my in-laws and my parents for Christmas and to share with friends as gifts. I baked so many cookies that Aud and I had to shuttle them from our apartment downtown to our newly purchased house that we were not yet living in so that we could store cookies in the freezer until Christmas. Here is a crappy iPhone shot of the spread:

What you see there are tollhouse cookies (for the hubster), gingerbread cookies (for the parents), peanut butter kisses (for the hubster), kalache, butter tarts, thumb prints, and almond tarts (for me). All in all, what you see there consists about about 80-hours of post-finals, pre-move baking time.

Sadly, last year only *one* of the cookies was vegan. To ensure that all members of my family and friends continue to eat and enjoy said cookies, I'm keeping which cookie was vegan to myself. Why would I do such a thing? Well, let me just tell you that I know and love some very vocal anti-veg*ns. You'd like an example? Well, one such gentleperson once ate and enjoyed something as simple as a store-bought french onion soup, thoroughly enjoyed it, was later told that it was vegetarian (not even vegan, mind you), and said gentleperson proclaimed that he/she "did not believe in that" and has never again touched said delicious soup.

Ridiculous.

But let me tell you, I thoroughly enjoyed the fact that said person ate the hell out of that one vegan variety of cookie last Christmas. Apparently, I'd gotten the frosting down "perfectly" after all these years of baking said cookie.

I almost screamed aloud. Best. Christmas. Present. Ever.

I'm determined, this year, to make most (if not all) of my cookies vegan. To do this, I've begun experimenting with my favorite Christmas Cookie of all, my Gran's almond tarts. Tomorrow, I'll share the first (unsuccessful) attempt, which I hope will by followed by the kind of success story that warms your heart and brings tears to your eyes.

Stay tuned.

Vegan Chicago-Style Deep Dish Pizza

2009-10-08T09:25:00.003-04:00

Last night my in-laws joined the hubster and I for dinner, and so I brushed off the miniature deep dish pizza pans that my sister bought me from Williams-Sonoma for my wedding shower, and got to work. The recipe for the dough that came with the pans makes some pretty tasty pizza dough, and I'm thankful that I also received a Kitchen Aid stand mixer for my wedding so that I don't have to make it by hand.

I topped my pizza with the cashew ricotta from Veganomicon, a few of Nate's Italian Meatballs, a ton of sauteed onions and green and red bell peppers, and my favorite pizza sauce. The pizza was delicious, the closest that I've had to Pizzeria Uno since...Pizzeria Uno. I'd love to share pics with you, but I felt a bit silly taking photos of my food with guests present.

I may, however, have to write and post my "Official Rules for the Kitchen" so that guests understand what behavior is and is not acceptable when present for the cooking stages of dinner. Examples:

OK Behavior: Offering to help (I'll almost always say no, don't worry).

Not OK Behavior: Taking a spatula out of my hand and trying to hip bump me out of the way so that you can get to the stove.

OK Behavior: Telling me what toppings you'd like on your pizza.

Not OK Behavior: Telling me to turn the temperature down on my mushrooms, and explaining to me how mushrooms need to be cooked.

In other news, tonight I'll attempt to veganize my Gran's almond tarts, so that the recipe will be perfect in time for Christmas. I promise pictures.

Breadsmith Event

2009-10-07T09:08:00.008-04:00

I've often heard (well, read online, since I know like 1.5 vegans) that it can be difficult to find vegan bread. Lucky for me, I live mere minutes away from a store called Breadsmith in Lakewood, OH. Breadsmith has a variety of daily vegan selections, and a helpful website for vegans looking for more information. My favorite breads are the Rustic Italian and the Marathon Multigrain, but there's something for everyone.

I stopped at Breadsmith yesterday to pick up my weekly two loaves (the Italian for tempeh bacon sandwiches and cinnamon toast, the Multigrain for everything else), and of course, grabbed a vegan sweet made by Sweetie Pie Bakery.

Every day, Breadsmith offers at least a half a dozen vegan bakery options baked in house by Sweetie Pie Bakery, from cookies and bars and scones to cupcakes, pies, and muffins. I opted for the Pumpkin Cranberry Muffin, because when either pumpkin or cranberry is being offered, I'm helpless to resist. I'm so helpless, in fact, that if there were also muffins stuffed with $100 bills on the very next display for the same price, I'd probably still buy the pumpkin or cranberry option.

How was the muffin, you ask? It was the best pumpkin dessert I've had in ages, and it put the pumpkin-apple muffin I picked up the other day at Nature's Bin in Lakewood to shame. It was super soft, moist, and had just the right amount of spice balance (I so hate when bakers of pumpkin goodies use too much clove, it ruins everything!).

Good news for any Clevelanders reading this post (are there any?). This Friday, October 9, Breadsmith and Sweetie Pie will be celebrating one year of baking together. From 12:00 to 5:00, you can stop in for free samples, discounts, and raffled goodies. Try to sneak out of work early if you can and, seriously, try the pumpkin muffin. You won't be disappointed.

Vegan Comfort Food

2009-10-06T14:05:00.005-04:00

When I first gave veganism a shot, back in February of 2005, I had no idea what the hell I was doing. I had no idea what to cook or what to eat. To make matters worse, I worked over sixty hours a week, and had no time to learn to cook or even practice cooking. This meant that I relied heavily on convenience foods, like Amy's meals, side dishes, and faux meat products. I'd also hit Mustardseed Market in Solon, Ohio to pick up some pre-made vegan dinners. Let me tell you, eating back then was not cheap.

One thing I really missed, in those days, were big "Sunday" dinners like the ones that my Gran would make for our family when I was growing up. These meals usually centered around a roasted animal of some sort with lots of gravy, a potato (either roasted, mashed, or scalloped), a vegetable (maybe even a green bean casserole, but usually peas or canned corn), and perhaps some stuffing or, depending on the meal, dumplings or Yorkshire Pudding. Sometimes we'd have stuffed cabbage, spaghetti that took hours to make, or "chop suey" (which I hated with a passion and looked, to me, like the insides of that animal that Luke Skywalker cut open at the beginning of one of the Star Wars movies). We'd all eat until we were in a coma, my mother and father in the living room, my Gran, my sisters, and I in the kitchen. After dinner, my sisters and I did the dishes.

Luckily, I've since learned my way around a vegan kitchen, and Sunday dinners are no longer something I yearn for the way that I used to. This is due, in part, to lunches like the one I had today, leftover fake-loaf, green beans with earth balance, mashed potatoes with gravy, and jellied cranberry sauce.

Aud and I make this fake-loaf at least a half a dozen times each winter, and we'll serve it with all the Sunday dinner fixings we're in the mood for, be they roasted brussel sprouts, Pillsbury crescent rolls, or the stuffing that I pick up from Mustardseed Market that is, thank heavens, vegan. The fake-loaf also makes phenomenal sandwiches like the kind my mother would send us to school with when there was leftover meatloaf. These days, I prefer my fake-laof sandwiches on rustic italian bread from Breadsmith with romaine lettuce, Vegennaise, and lots of salt.

A word on the recipe posted on the site I linked to, because my results are a bit different than you'll see posted. If you make sure to use the Boca soy crumbles, measure 10 oz. of tofu (most packages come in 12 or 14 oz sizes) and squeeze the water out a bit before mashing it, really mush the ingredients into your bread pan (I prefer Pyrex), and cook it until the top is a little browned and crispy, your fake-loaf won't fall to pieces when you slice it.

And finally, I just want to thank the fine people at Hain for making this delectable stuff:

I seriously don't know how I'd survive without it. Sure, there are some decent vegan gravy recipes on-line or in just about any vegan cookbook you put your hands on, but when I want brown gravy, *this* is the stuff I crave.

Happy October!

2009-10-05T10:25:00.005-04:00

I love everything about October. The crisp air, the changing leaves, the hot apple cider, the pumpkin numblies at every bakery and coffee shop, Halloween, the return of Cavs basketball, and, this year, the hopeful news of my passing the bar exam. But there's another thing I love about October, and that is the fact that October happens to be the Vegan Month of Food.

What is the Vegan Month of Food, you ask? Well, all over the world, vegans, vegetarians, and a few vegan-friendly bloggers take the month of October to write at least 20 entries celebrating vegan food and all of its wonderful glorificus-ness. This year is the first VeganMoFo year that I'm not neck deep in case law and, seeing as how I'm expecting and am, therefore, a very hungry, hungry, hippo, I'm spending a lot of my time thinking about food, planning what food to eat next, preparing food, and yes, talking about food. Much of that food is, of course, vegan food.

I'm also having some friends over for brunch this month and, because I'm a tad obsessive, I need to test a few new recipes to make sure that they're tasty enough for guests. I started with the cinnamon rolls from Vegan Brunch. I was a bit nervous, as this is the first time I've ever made dough from scratch, but they turned out delicious (though *I* need some practice).

The dough, rising:

The dough, rolled out, covered in cinnamon sugar and earth balance numminess:

I should take a moment to point out here that I did a TERRIBLE job of rolling out the dough. I was trying to ensure that my dough was 12" by 18", which I suspected was the exact size of the cutting board you see underneath the rolled dough. However, and I should really know better, rolling dough on an unsecured cutting board is a Total Pain in the Arse. I should have just rolled it out on my countertop, measurements be damned. That way, the dough wouldn't have been all thick in the middle and thin towards the edges and I wouldn't have been tearing out my hair, trying to roll the dough evenly on a moving surface.

Here they are, all rolled up and sliced. You'll notice the cinnamon rolls in the middle are much larger than their buddies on the ends of the pan:

And again, baked and iced:

And finally, right before being stuffed in my gob, with a soy milk chaser:

Overall, they were damn tasty. The biggest ones were the best, because they were all large and soft and squishy. The poor rolls from the end were a bit dry and crumbly. Next time, I'll do a better job of rolling them out. I'll also buy an oven thermometer, because I've finally come to the realization that my oven is too hot, which is why everything that I've baked since we moved here nine months ago has completely sucked. I'll also, most likely, make the recipe into 10 rolls rather than 12, because, like I said, the big rolls were much more tasty than the smaller ones.

Post-Grad School Thought

2009-09-27T13:02:00.003-04:00

I love that, now, when it is Sunday and I tell someone, "I'm going to the library today" my tone sounds like I could have said, "I'm going to a carnival today" or "I'm going to my favorite restaurant today" and not "I'm going to stand in front of a firing squad today."

The Bridge Project

2009-09-26T08:51:00.003-04:00

So last night Aud and I went to the Bridge Project at the Detroit-Superior bridge. Some of you may remember this bridge as the one that I reluctantly ran over last summer in my efforts to get in shape for the wedding. The Bridge Project was held on the lower level of the bridge where, once upon a time, street cars carried people from the West Side of Cleveland to downtown. Or so, that's the best information I can get from the internet. I've also read that the city intended to build a subway system, this bridge was intended to be a part of that subway system and, thanks to the rapid decline in wealth, population, and general success of the city, the plans never came to fruition.

Whatever the story, the lower level of the Detroit-Superior bridge usually opens only twice a year, once in the spring and once in the fall, for self-guided tours of the area. But this weekend, some smarties decided to use this space as more than a "come look and see what this city almost was" tour, opened it to the public, brought in some bands, some artists, and some beer, and threw a little party, if you will.

We headed to the bridge a little before sunset. The views of the city were fantastic. Walking over the middle of the bridge was a little freaky, because you can see directly through the wire grating to the river below. I stuck to the center of the bridge, where someone thoughtfully placed wooden boards for walking so that people like me didn't ralph every time they looked down. Here are some pics. Excuse the poor quality. We lost our good camera in Chicago last summer, so these will have to do.

View of the city, looking west:

North-ish:

Monster that lives under the bridge:

People checking out the space:

Pirated photo of the bridge under which we were hanging out:

Such a pretty city, no?

Rules for Houseguests

2009-09-24T08:39:00.003-04:00

Let me preface this entry with the following:

I love having people over, whether they’re staying the night or just staying for dinner. I love cooking for people. I love extra towels in the bathroom. I love that when people are over I’m actually, y’know, motivated to keep the house clean. I love hearing people that aren’t me making living-type noises in the house.

In fact, some of my best memories from childhood are those few holidays or summer vacations when we had family visiting from out of town and staying with us. I remember one Christmas in particular when my grandmother’s tiny, three-bedroom bungalow was bursting with adults, kids, and dogs, and where the Christmas roast and Yorkshire pudding was eaten wherever you could manage to find a place to sit and balance your plate on your lap (I was on the basement stairs).

Living alone was in some ways wonderful and very difficult for me. I do like time alone, so much so that I behave much like an only child, but I do well with a family. I remember visiting my family early one Saturday morning when everyone was just waking up and getting started. Someone had picked up warm, fresh bagels from the store, the kettle was on the stove for my grandmother’s tea, my mother was sorting through coupons, and my sisters had wet, freshly shampooed hair and were planning their day. I could barely make it out of the house before bursting into tears, having so missed having people in the house.

Living with Aud is wonderful, of course, but we haven’t yet gotten to that family stage yet, and things are still pretty quiet around here. So again, my favorite memories since we’ve moved in together are things like the great snowstorm of early 2008 (or was it ’07?), when a bunch of our friends got snowed in downtown and stayed at our apartment. We spent the day cooking delicious food and watching Ninja Warrior, and nights were spent walking the dogs in the middle of the road with thermoses full of Irish coffee, helping push cars out of snow drifts and getting into snowball fights (and, let me add, that it’s all fun and games until someone’s fella gets hit in the back of the dome with a well-aimed icy snowball, and then things sort of go sour). I love when people crash here after a night of carousing, and groggy mornings are spent cooking delicious breakfasts, planning spontaneous road trips, and lazing about on couches.

What I’m trying to say here, is that I like having guests. So please, if I love you, if I like you, hell, if I kinda sorta know you well enough to know you won’t kill me or my dogs and steal my iPhone and you plan on visiting Cleveland then please, please, please ,oh please, come and visit me. Stay for dinner. Hell, stay for the week. Or two. I’ve got a comfy spare bedroom with a comfy bed, a comfy couch, a less than comfy futon in the office (or I will have these things when we finally rearrange the house for the nursery), a very large basement with carpeting, and an air mattress, should anyone need it. Essentially, at least ten people could stay here comfortably.

But please, for the love of moms and puppies and unicorns and tolerant spouses everywhere, please adhere to the following guidelines:

1. If you are staying here with your super-picky child then please, stop at the grocery store. There is one a mere half a mile from my home with everything that you could possibly need. I don’t buy any meat products, Little Debbies (ew), white bread (or white bread dressed up to look like wheat bread), sugary, processed peanut butter (the real stuff is so much better), cow’s milk, or cheese puffs. I do, however, have homemade chocolate chip cookies in the freezer, plenty of cereal and soy milk, real peanut butter, cashews, almonds, dried fruit, apples, whole grain bread, and I will even cook you a yummy dinner. What I do not want you to do is make a sandwich you know your child won’t eat and then let me listen as he or she whines and cries about the “gross” food before throwing said food into the garbage. I’ll start digging a hole in the yard, if you get my drift.

2. While I’m at it, don’t pour yourself or your child a tall glass of expensive, fresh squeezed orange juice, take three sips, and then dump it in the sink. I’d love to share delicious orange juice with you, not the sewer system.

3. Not to stick with the food theme, but seriously, don’t leave a half-eaten bowl of cereal on the kitchen sink, next to your child’s half-eaten bowl of cereal, for me to clean up. Who raised you people?

4. If you want to have dinner with us and I make you a delicious, homemade, Chicago-style deep dish pizza (your own, personal pizza I might add, with homemade dough and everything), and you take two bites, and then your cell phone rings, and you answer your call at the table, and then go outside to finish your call, and you come inside an hour later, at least clean up your dishes. See, we weren’t really sure what to do with them, or if you were done eating, because you rudely took a call to bitch about your boyfriend in the middle of dinner, so we were sort of stuck. I love taking care of people, but seriously, don’t push me.

5. If your dog craps on the bath mat, please at least offer to wash the bath mat.

6. Likewise, if your dog pees on the dining room floor, please at least offer to clean up the pee on the floor. Nope, my dogs have never peed on my dining room floor, and I’m pretty sure it wasn’t them, so don’t even ask.

7. Not to mention, if your dog is so poorly behaved that he barks at all hours of the day and night, jumps through screen doors, pulls on curtains, and does not respond to the words NO and SIT, you may want to consider alternative lodging for your pet. I’m pretty tolerant of animals. Dogs are dogs, after all. However, when my hubby and I both work from home, and I spend the majority of my day chasing after your little miscreant, trying to get him to behave, I might start digging a second, smaller hole in the yard.

8. Don’t leave huge clumps of hair in the shower drain. I most likely scrubbed the hell out of it before you came over, and have been obsessively making sure that it is spotless after my own showers, because I’d hate you to think I’m a total slob or be grossed out by something that you find in the shower. So please, do my gag reflex a favor and clean up the Yeti that you left in the shower.

9. Please don’t let your child tease my dog by dangling pepperoni in his face.

10. In fact, please don’t ignore your child so that you can talk on the phone or study or read. Your child is not the sweet little innocent that you might imagine. In fact, when your back is turned, she will look me straight in the eye and do exactly what I just asked her, three times, not to do.

11. When your child gets dog poop all over her shoes, please just don’t take the shoes outside and rub them in the grass, since dogs and people frequently tend to WALK IN IT. Especially don’t do this if I told you, thirty seconds before, where the soap and the utility sink could be found in the basement.

12. Please clean up after your pet. Yes, I have a fenced in yard. No, I do not just leave the poop to sit there for days and weeks at a time. I try to clean it up right away, especially since my girl pup is something of a turd burglar, and I get sick every time I find her hidden in a corner of the yard, munching on a steamy snack. The bags are always under the sink. Grab one when you let your dog out, and keep an eye on him, for pete’s sake!

I really hope that these guidelines don’t make me appear to be some rigid, joyless hostess. I swear, I’m not. And no, this list is not inclusive. For example, I should probably add things like, “Don’t get naked with your man/woman in my front yard” and “Don’t get drunk and pass out in the bathroom, even though I have two bathrooms” to the list, but I sort of imagine that these are pretty much common sense.

Again, if you need a place to stay, don’t hesitate to ring me up!

The First Year

2009-09-14T15:46:00.000-04:00

Aud and I celebrated our first wedding anniversary yesterday with just the right amount of cheese and sappiness befitting such an occasion. The celebration actually started on Friday afternoon, when I was trying desperately to take a nap, no thanks to phone calls from my boss (the nerve!), when Aud came home with a gigantic bouquet of flowers designed to look much like my wedding bouquet. Beautiful! We spent the evening around a bonfire with friends in celebration of our pal N’s 30^th birthday, and we came home for some private cheesiness and a long night/morning of sleeping in.

Aud worked Saturday (stupid nervy IT jobs!) while I puttered, and we cooked dinner together late. We made a yummy double recipe of VWAV’s tofu scramble with broccoli, carrots, and red peppers, tempeh and white bean sausage patties, and leftover potato spinach squares from Vegan Brunch (sadly, I made these squares for a pot luck last weekend and, unfortunately, made a double recipe and HOLY NASTINESS, I’m stuck with them now and they are Not Good, Not at All). After dinner, we played Uno while Aud watched the Buckeyes truly eff up their game against USC.

Sunday morning had us sleeping in again, cheese be damned, and then we prepared for our First Anniversary of Wonderfulness. At lunchtime, we headed to the CVNRA for a picnic in the park, complete with subs and chips from Jimmy John’s. See, our wedding was an early day-time affair with a light lunch. Afterwards, a limo picked us up and took us to our hotel (the Renaissance downtown, so pretty). On the way we (of course) pounded an entire bottle of champagne whilst in the middle of a full-on cheese fest, arrived at our gorgeous suite for a sexy bath in the marble bathtub, and then promptly passed out, accidentally, in our room. Thankfully, our limo driver called us to find out what the heck was going on, and so we quickly pulled ourselves together for Wedding Celebration, Part II (where we took over the top floor of the Lava Lounge in Tremont, opened up a $1,000ish tab, and got to drinking with all of our friends). Unfortunately, our accidental nap left us little time for dinner before heading to the Lava. Hungry and with little time to spare, we stopped at Jimmy John’s in Steelyard Commons for perhaps the happiest sub sandwiches of our lives. You see, then, why a picnic with Jimmy John’s subs was the only appropriate way to celebrate our first year of marriage.

After our picnic we hopped on the CVNRA railroad (first class, natch) and took a ride to Peninsula where we shopped at stores with pretty things made by local artists, ate milkshakes we had no business even ordering, petted a dog that was so large you could mistake him for a horse, and drooled over the bikes we’d like to buy at Century Cycles. After a romantic train ride home (CHEESE!), I decided I was too lazy and pregnant to go to a fancy dinner at either Three Birds in Lakewood or Vegiterranean in Akron, and so we made some yummy pierogi and carmelized onions that Aud supplemented with brats and I supplemented with canned corn and jellied cranberry sauce (I’m pregnant, ok? Leave me alone).

After a glass of non-alcoholic champagne, we headed to the drug store to buy cheap candy to sneak into the movie theater, and we went to the Detroit in Lakewood to see Julie & Julia (which I really liked, except for the part where they dropped lobsters in boiling water and did some really nasty things to a duck carcass).

All in all, we had a fantastic first anniversary celebration. Sure, it wasn’t white water rafting in Australia, as planned, nor was it snorkeling the Great Barrier Reef, but it was the perfect kind of mellow, contented celebration. I hope that next year the Nugget will be big enough for us to travel somewhere for our second anniversary. I’m thinking either a cabin in Bar Harbor and hiking in Acadia National Park in Maine, or going to Portland (I’ve always, always wanted to go).

As for what I think about marriage so far, well, maybe I’m a bit too cheesy right now to be completely objective. See, I don’t really believe that marriage is for everyone or even every loving couple. Heck, for a long time, I didn’t even know if marriage was right for *me.* All I do know, now, is that marriage is definitely right for Aud and I. Actually, “right” is such an understatement, it makes me toes curl. How about “fucking fantastic”? That works a bit better. That’s right, marriage is definitely fucking fantastic for Aud and I. I’ve never been happier.

"That's like asking your podiatrist for a pelvic exam."

2009-08-28T10:18:00.003-04:00

(I'd like to thank my friend M for that beautiful quote.)

It's already started. I'm not even licensed and I am getting calls from people I haven't heard from in years who are looking for some free legal advice. Here are the reasons why I'm annoyed:

1. Dude, I haven't heard from you in four years. Way to get the pleasantries out of the way in 2.5 seconds ("way to go with the baby, thing...anyway, I was wondering if you could help me with something...") and then get right down to business. I really want to help you now.

2. I'm not licensed. It is illegal for me to help anyone in any way. At all. Period. Finito. Nobody seems to care, though, when I tell them that. They're all like, "yeah well...we're friends." Oh yeah? A friend I haven't talked to in four years? Who doesn't care what kind of trouble he/she could cause me if I gave said free legal advice? Hmmm...

3. I know fuck-all about [insert legal issue that person is calling me about this time]. Oh? You'd like to know what they actually teach us in law school? Well, not much that is useful, thanks for asking. "They" teach us how to learn how to do our jobs. It's on the job that most of the useful stuff is learned. And while, so far, I've worked on a significant variety of cases, I haven't worked on [your legal issue].

4. Which means, of course, that if I were to try and help you, I'd have to make a number of phone calls to bosses and old bosses and coworkers. I'd have to do a number of hours of research. But none of this would do you any good anyway, because you'd still have to hire a lawyer, because, again, I'm not licensed (see note 2).

5. I don't want to help you. And I sort of resent having to take the time out of my day to explain all the reasons why, nicely.

That said, if I'm related to you and you live in this beautiful state or if I really like you and I see you more than, say, once every four years, I'd be more than happy to do this for you. I'd make the phone calls, do the research, and, hey, if I can't talk my boss into filing the paperwork for you for free, you can take your chances and wait until October 30th when I find out if I passed the bar (and then, I guess, until November 9, when I'm sworn in) and I'll do it for you myself (so long as I'm covered by malpractice insurance, which is a whole other issue).

Oh, and get your damn hands off my belly.

Fence Complete!

2009-08-13T07:44:00.003-04:00

Have you ever seen a happier Boo? Cause I haven't. Just look at him.

The Remster is thrilled as well, but she likes to play it cool. She's not an overly effusive puppy.

As for me, I called the Fence Fairy last night to tell her my fence was complete and to thank her for her generosity. I could barely get the words out, through chokes and sobs and such. This silly Nugget is turning me into quite the sap.

Reflections

2009-08-12T13:19:00.001-04:00

I can be a bit over-reflective at times. I never really know what’s going to set it off, though my musings are usually spurred by things like birthdays, New Years’ Days, things like that. In the last few weeks, two very different happenings have sent me off into Rememberville and Rememberville Heights, with a brief stop or two over at What-the F*ck-Was–I-Thinking-Land. The first, of course, was the bar exam. The second, strangely, is the ongoing installation of a fence for my yard.

The bar exam has felt more like the end of my graduate studies than finishing classes or graduation (well…not that I went to graduation…but you get the idea). This, of course, has made me think more and more about the beginning of my studies.

When I decided to go to law school, I was coming out of a ridiculously long funk. I was still living in the Valley, in the house I’d lived in with Jerk-Face before he decided not to live there anymore (or at all). I was working at a crap “editing” job by day, and waiting tables by night. On my nights off, I was usually too exhausted to do much of anything. Usually, I’d stop at Target and pick up a season of television on DVD (I went through every season of Buffy, Angel, Alias, Sex and the City, Six Feet Under, Dead Like Me, and the lone season of Freaks and Geeks) and some junk food, and stay inside my dark house with my puppies, chain-smoking cigarettes.

Though I had a few of my “own” friends, I rarely saw them given my hectic work and television schedule. I wasn’t particularly close to people at either of my jobs, given that I could rarely hang out during off hours because I had another job to go to (or, y’know, DVDs to watch and cigarettes to smoke). Most of the people I did spend time with were friends I had through Jerk-Face. I was living this weird kind of half-life, where nothing was the same since he’d passed away, but I hadn’t really moved on.

But then, and I’m not sure why, something shifted. I decided to stop…wallowing, if that’s what you’d call it. I decided that I was not happy with my life and that I needed to make some major changes. It took me a while to figure out those changes, but the first major change happened the morning after freakin’ Bush got reelected. I was angry and…devastated…that such a dangerous moron could be given another term in office. That was when something broke. I realized I was tired of working two meaningless jobs that paid little and were even less fulfilling. I did about twenty minutes of research online (on my work computer, of course) before I decided, quite hastily, to (late) register for the LSAT in December. My thought process went something like this: I’m tired of working my ass off and being broke. If I’m going to spend the rest of my life broke, I may as well do something meaningful. And I’m tired of seeing people I care about get screwed over because they can’t afford to hire a decent lawyer. I can be that decent lawyer. Maybe I can do some good, or something. Maybe not, but maybe. Sure, maybe that wasn’t the best reason to decide to go to law school. And no, I really didn’t know exactly what I was getting myself in to. Nor did I really know if it was right for me (um…I really don’t think it was). But it was something. I really needed to do something.

And of course, I realized that if I was going to do something like go to grad school, it was time. I had no ties. No mortgage. No time-consuming, drama-filled relationship. No children. I hoped, of course, that eventually those things might change to some degree. But then I had only one thing to worry about. Me. Well, me and my puppies, I guess, but I had no obligations to anyone other than myself. So law school it was.

Of course, I had all these visions of going to law school and meeting all of these smart, interesting people that would completely change my life. I hoped to make the sort of close friends I’d made in undergrad, the sort of people that you were so close to that they were closer than family. That, of course, didn’t happen, but I’m getting ahead of myself.

After I got the LSAT out of the way, I decided it was time to stop complaining about the limitations of the people in my life, and to meet some new ones. I was tired of hanging around with couples, people with children that didn’t have the freedom to do the things that I wanted to do, or people that would do things that made me ill, like make inappropriate racial remarks in public. So I started calling my friends from undergrad, the people that fell out of my life when I met and moved in with Jerk-Face. Spending time with them made me a bit…braver…about socializing. And one night, when I was out with a group of friends at a concert hall, they wanted to head home and I had them leave without me. I stayed and sat down next to a fellow named Aud and then everything changed.

So then, after finishing law school and getting a masters and deciding, after a bit of hemming and hawing about not wanting to be a lawyer, to take the stupid bar exam, there I was, four years later, with a kicky baby boy in my belly and a mortgage and the most amazing person I’ve ever met waiting for me in a hotel room with hugs and kisses after each portion of the bar exam. And then we headed home after the three days in Columbus only to leave again to go camping with 35 very cool people that I didn’t know four years ago. And then I have to remind myself that, shit, maybe going to law school wasn’t the worst decision I’ve ever made.

And, let’s not forget this fence. Jerk-Face brought my first beagle, Reme, home in a cardboard box one day when she was only eight weeks old. I was very unhappy. First, nobody had consulted me about getting a dog. Second, I am very allergic to animals. I, of course, broke down quickly when faced with a sweet, cuddly little beagle. I fell in love with her, and I just hated leaving her all alone when nobody was home, so six months later, I went to pick up a companion for her. I held the squirmy little Zeus in my arms on the long ride home and, I have to say, my life has never really been the same.

Jerk-Face was gone less than a year later and I decided to stay in our house in the Valley so that I could keep the dogs. I already loved them too much to part with them. Besides, I’m horribly judgmental about people who “get rid” of their pets when keeping them becomes inconvenient. In my opinion, deciding to get an animal is like deciding to get married. You make a commitment to those animals for life, no excuses. So I kept the dogs despite the fact that I worked at least 60 hours a week and, just maybe, they might have been better off with someone that could spend more time with them. And I kept them when I moved to a tiny one bedroom apartment in Cleveland when I started law school, even though the neighbors hated me and my often barky dogs and threatened to have me evicted every time I ran into them on the sidewalk. And I kept them when I moved to a beautiful two bedroom in downtown Cleveland with Aud, when I was terrified about having two dogs in the city, and where people would stop me to lecture me for having such dogs in a city when they belonged in the country somewhere, where they could run and play as dogs were meant to do. And I still have them now, in my first house, where they can bark and howl at the ice cream truck to their hearts’ content. And I spend oodles of time with them, now that I work from home, and Aud works from home at least twice a week, and I feel that makes up, somewhat, for all the time that I didn’t spend with them when they were young.

And now…or in a day or two…they will finally have a fenced in yard. I’ll be able to sit outside and read a book while Reme basks in the sun and Zeus brings me a slobbery ball to throw to him every 30 seconds. And Aud can fire up the grill and make some yummy potatoes and tempeh kebabs and I don’t have to worry about the dogs inside, looking at us longingly through the windows of the house before getting frustrated and rifling through the garbage. And next summer all five of us (EEP) will be outside together and…dammit…I can’t tell you how happy that makes me.

So yeah, I’m a bit over-reflective. And now, now that I’m done with school and just helped my boss win a trial, I’m off to read something that I actually WANT to read. But first, I’ll kiss Aud who is working from home today, and I’ll head onto the back porch with the dogs and move a chair into the sun…and I’ll probably fall asleep.

Bar Wrap-Up

2009-08-05T13:50:00.000-04:00

So yeah…the bar exam…it’s finally* over. I studied full time for almost ten weeks, and am just now poking my head out of my office and into the world and I’m having a bit of trouble adjusting to the sunlight.

The anticipation was definitely the worst. I’d be willing to say that the two weeks leading up to the test were pretty terrifying. I was absolutely convinced that I was completely unprepared. My anxiety came to a head on Monday night, the night before the test, when I became physically ill in the hotel room. Yeah, it was not fun.

Then, once the test started on Tuesday morning and I got my first two state essay questions (Real Property and Contracts) I felt about one hundred times more confident. Real Property, I was comfortable with. The Contracts question (the Bain of My Existence) was not that difficult. The morning concluded with a question each on Evidence, Civil Procedure, Secured Transactions, and Wills and Intestate Succession. All questions were unbelievably simple. Secured Transactions was a question about REMEDIES and repossession! How easy can you get?! As frustrated as I was that I took the time to relearn all of the stupid perfection and priority rules, and as annoyed as I was that I spent so much time on Commercial only to be tested on Secured, I’ll take a remedies question any day of the week.

After lunch the first day was the easiest portion of the bar, two Multistate Performance Test questions. Essentially, answering those questions is not much different than clerking, only without the research. I was crunched for time on those questions, but I think I did well.

Wednesday’s Multistate Bar Exam was a bit suckier than I’d anticipated. Then on Thursday, we had the remaining 6 state essay questions. The double-tested subject was Evidence, of all things (AND about hearsay, which might be the easiest Evidence topic ever). The Ethics question was also easy, I think the Con Law question was about due process (cake), Torts was a negligence question (focusing on causation), the Criminal question was a procedural question pertaining to a car search, and finally the Business Associations question was an Agency question, which also happened to be the ONLY outline that I’d read that morning before the test began. Basically, day three was a cakewalk. If I failed this test, I would not even bother taking it again, because there is no way that I could have known this material any better than I did (nor was there any way that I could have managed NOT to be tested on the material that I didn’t know that well).

The crazy thing about the bar exam was how much I really enjoyed the few days in Columbus. Aud joined me for the trip to keep me sane, and worked from the hotel while I was testing. Our evenings were spent walking around the city, eating amazing vegetarian food, randomly shopping for condos downtown, and chilling at the hotel watching bad television. I would not have expected to have enjoyed the trip so much, and I can’t IMAGINE having had to go through the whole experience on my own.

And now, of course, though I’d hoped to have some time to wind down a bit, my boss is completely busting my ass. He “thoughtfully” requested that a judge schedule a trial after the exam so that I could attend, which was nice, really, but I did not think that I’d be answering last minute motion after motion this week. Besides, I’m practically mentally disabled this week, and really, I should not be entrusted with ANY responsibility for anything at all important.

But damn…It’s over.*

* Yes, yes. Assuming I passed. I realize I tempt fate when I say such things as “it’s over.”

Good Night...Something...

2009-07-17T20:52:00.003-04:00

I've been desperately trying to figure out how to scan docs to this stupid MacBook, and have been entirely unsuccessful. On my old PC laptop, I would just hit the "scan" button on my printer and then, "ploop!" my pics would magically appear on my monitor. So I tried to do the same on my old laptop, which Aud just brought back from the dead after I spilled coffee on it and it stopped responding (a prima donna if ever I've met one). But Aud had to go and Computer Geek all over my old laptop, and I'm not entirely convinced that what I'm looking at on the screen is actually in English and not in good ol' Lithuanian-computer-geek-sailing-master-red-stripe-drinker, a language I've never successfully mastered. So I guess I'm out of luck in the scanning department.

This is, of course, a real tragedy for blog readers everywhere, since I was *trying* to scan my latest ultrasound pics. That's right, I wanted to share the malevolent-looking shots of the Nugget's face, a very adorable foot, and the best part ever, the moment when the Nugget stopped trying to be all coy by positioning its feet over The Business, and flashed its bits and pieces to everyone. That's right, I said bits AND pieces. It looks like we've got a boy on our hands. And I swear, I've got the pics to prove it.

(cue Weezer..."My name is Jonas...I'm carryin' the wheel...")

In other news, my attempts to stuff as much information into my brain as possible before this hated test has had some very random effects. For example, today while I was reheating my yummy sweet and sour gluten "chicken" for dinner, I was singing (loudly):

"Good night ladies...good night ladies...good night ladies...we're going to leave you now... Merrily we roll along..."

Aud looked at me like I'd sprouted two extra heads and an eggplant in each armpit and I, surprised at his confusion, asked if he'd never heard the song before. He assured me that yes, he'd learned the song...in Kindergarten. Which had me thinking, when was the last time I sang that song? My guess would be 4th grade music class. Which again has me thinking, why the HELL am I singing that stupid song, anyway? My only explanation is that things like Wills & Intestate Succession and Commercial Law are now displacing my oldest memories. Hopefully, I'll be able to get rid of the junk (who needs Good Night Ladies, anyway?) and hold on to some of the good stuff (like stealing my Gran's Equal packets so that my Micro Machine dump trucks had something to tote around Micro Machine Town, and then getting busted by my Mother who asked me quite seriously if I had some sort of Equal "problem," which even now gets me giggling). Otherwise, when lil' Jonas asks me what I did for fun as a child, I'll tell him that I enjoyed negotiating negotiable interests, and he'll think I'm the most boring person he's ever met.

I also hope that "Found a Peanut" stays in there... I can't lose ALL of the pointless children's tunes.

Le Sigh

2009-07-15T21:37:00.002-04:00

The Nugget

2009-07-12T20:56:00.002-04:00

...we find out the sex of the baby tomorrow. I can't flippin' wait to see the little Nugget again. He's been very active the last few days.

No...I have no idea what it is. I've gone from being convinced it was a boy to being convinced it was a girl and now I just...?

Damn. Excited.

The Torts Keeper

2009-07-09T18:39:00.002-04:00

My former Torts professor, who looks a lot like this guy on the left, and who is a despicable human being and yet one of the best professors I've ever had, has been reminding students this week that:

"The bar is a minimum competency test."

This has become my mantra. I repeat it over and over, mindlessly, and it feels sort of like I'm reciting some endless penance given to me by one of the crabby priests during a grade school confession (where I usually made up sins to get the priest off my back, because I couldn't really think of anything I'd done wrong...that's right, I would LIE to the priests...I feel no remorse).

Anyway, he's also advised us all to:

"Shoot for a D."

A D has never seemed so unattainable.

Poor Baby

2009-07-07T20:09:00.002-04:00

Now that I know that, as of last week, the Nugget's ear bones are fully formed and functional and he can hear what's going on, I feel mighty awful that all he gets to hear about is things like the statute of frauds, the parol evidence rule, impossibility of performance, and UCC warranties.

Considering that the Nugget was with me when I graduated (though I admittedly skipped it), went to bar lectures, and recited millions of flashcards worth of legal rules, and will be with me when I take the bar and am (hopefully) sworn in, I fear that the Nugget will pop out of my uterus wearing a bow tie, toting a brief case (undoubtedly a little near-sighted), and will immediately tender service of process to my ob-gyn alleging negligent infliction of severe emotional distress for unreasonable perkiness during delivery...or something.

I have to get Aud to play his guitar more, I'm thinking. And sing songs about computers. The Nugget CANNOT be born a lawyer.

Bar Freak Out

2009-07-07T10:07:00.002-04:00

Today is the day that I'm officially losing my shit. A vein on the left of my temple is throbbing, and I've already cried twice this morning. I've only got three weeks to memorize at least a thousand (I haven't done the final count) flash cards and take a few practice tests. The only topics I feel completely comfortable with are Torts and Criminal Law, though Con Law and Property are coming along. I suck at Contracts for some reason, and I haven't spent enough time answering practice test questions for the rest of the topics to feel comfortable making an assessment of my knowledge yet.

I'm most worried about the state essay questions. The MPT will be a snap, because it's pretty much a dumbed down version of what I do at work every day, minus the research. I've already aced all of the practice tests I've taken. The MBE is a bit easier because, hello, it's objective and I generally rock the objective tests. That is, if Contracts stops being such a bitch and doesn't ruin my entire MBE score.

But the state questions? That's just a lot to memorize and recite off the top of my head. Wills and Estates should be easy since there's just not a whole lot to remember. Legal Ethics should be a snap, too, since I took the MPRE recently and know most of the rules. I will, hopefully, know the MBE topics enough to answer those state essay questions without too much trouble. My biggest concerns are Secured Transactions, Business Associations, and Commercial Paper.

I keep reminding myself that about 88% of students from my law school pass this test on their first attempt, and as I graduated in the top 30% of my class, I should have a better than average shot. Apparently, there is a strong correlation between LSAT scores, first year GPA, and the likelihood of passing the bar on the first try. My LSAT score was great, my first year GPA respectable, and the charts tell me I have between a 90 and 95% chance of passing. Add that to the fact that this is my seventh week of full time study, and I have three full weeks to go, and I should be feeling a lot better about this.

But today, I'm questioning my methods. Maybe I shouldn't have spent some much time poring over the outlines, condensing them and making so many flashcards. Maybe I should have been practice testing for the last three weeks or so, instead of starting now. Maybe my stupid, mushy pregnancy brain can't retain this information the way my Normal brain used to. I don't know.

I keep reminding myself of all of the stupid, practically illiterate lawyers out there who managed to pass the bar on the first try. It's not really helping yet, but maybe I'll feel better in a few hours.

Oh, and I might kill everyone I know (except A and the dogs) because everything anyone says about this test makes me insane. One family member tried telling me that the LAST time she spoke with me I told her that I knew everything I needed to know and was just going to relax until the test. WTF?! I assured Family Member that I never said such things and family member just sighed and said, "so it was just false bravado then." I almost had a heart attack. Others repeatedly ask me when the test dates are, only to ask me again the next time, hell, EVERY time, they see me, like I haven't already told them 500 times already. Still others scoff and say, "oh you'll do fine, you always do" which seems to me like a dismissal of the very suckiness of this entire experience.

So yeah. This sucks. Gard wasn't kidding when he opened the bar lectures two days after Memorial Day with, "welcome to the most miserable two months of your lives."

Back to Contracts.

Sobby Driver Girl

2009-06-10T12:58:00.003-04:00

In the past few weeks or so I've had to carefully craft playlists of upbeat tunes. I've done this because, while music has alway elicited an emotional response from me, my emotional response these days is about thirty three times more intense than usual.

However, I may have to just stop listening to music altogether. It seems that nomatter how carefully I arrange my songs, I inevitably end up sobbing every time I listen to music these days.

What had me sobbing today? Weezer's "Pig." Stupid friggin' song.

"Not By the Hair of My Chinny Chin Chin..."

2009-06-06T22:24:00.002-04:00

...that's what I wanted to say tonight, when I was out for the dinner portion of a friend's bachelorette party and the bride's sister/maid of honor was trying to convince me to join them all on a "party bus" fully stocked with plenty of Jello-O shots and a stripper pole.

Why? Because there IS ACTUALLY HAIR ON MY CHIN these days. Thanks, Nugget, for making me feel so wonderfully sexy and attractive so early in my pregnancy! I *love* it!

So now I'm home alone. Pouty. My sweetness is, no doubt, enjoying the bachelor party in Detroit at this very moment, doing heavens knows what, his hairy-chinned wife far from his thoughts.

Le sigh.

As Requested...

2009-06-05T19:03:00.001-04:00

Had I blogged about the early bits of this pregnancy, I believe each entry would have sounded very much like a day in the life of one of my beagles. Essentially, there was a great deal of sleeping and long periods of lethargy that were infrequently interrupted by short-lived, frenetic bursts of energy usually having something to do with mealtime or going to the bathroom.

So yeah, not exactly exciting.

A and I got to see the little Nugget a few weeks ago. That, on the other hand, was pretty effin cool. He (yeah, I think of the Nugget as a “he” for some reason, though I’m still hope-hope-hoping for a little red haired girl) was moving around like CRAZY. He looked like he was boxing. I cracked up through the entire ultrasound, which just feels right for the person who laughed through her entire wedding ceremony.

I’m due December 8, the day before my birthday, and…I’m getting pretty excited.

We’ve started to get our attic ready so that A and I can move our offices to the third level. I have to say, I really miss sharing an office with him. We are both pretty lucky to work from home together a few days a week, and the new office will be SWANK. We’re just about done with the painting, and we’ll have new windows installed in a couple of weeks. Then, we’ll be able to put an air conditioner up there, A can finish the floors, and we’ll be good to go. The room is big enough for us to dedicate one end to the “office,” and put a lounge and a little kitchen area on the other end. And then…when that’s all done…we’ll be ready to turn A’s current office into the bedroom for the Nugget. We still haven’t figured out what to do with my office. I suppose it can be a guest room or something until we have Nugget II.

But first…the bar exam. My bar review started last week, and, don’t hold me to this, but this whole thing seems…easier…than I thought it would be. Sure, it’s time consuming, and there is a HELL of a lot to remember, but…I don’t know…it’s not that difficult. Let’s hope I feel the same way next month.

In other news, the midges are back. I read something…recently…about cows in Scotland that would throw themselves off of cliffs to escape hordes of midges. All I can say to those poor cows is, I *totally* understand.

And A is throwing Part I of a bachelor party at our place tonight, which means the dogs and I are at a hotel a few miles away. This is the dogs’ first stay at a hotel, and it has taken them a while to settle in, but they’ve finally calmed down and are passed out in bed. Hopefully, people keep it down in the hallway tonight, otherwise their aroos could get me into a bit of trouble.

Now…if only I can stop watching trashy television on E! and get some flashcards made, I’ll be golden…

Warming the Nest

2009-04-20T13:13:00.002-04:00

The beagles have a new favorite pastime that I like to call, "Warming the Nest." Essentially, they take turns crawling on top of my pregnant belly, curling up, and generating as much heat as caninely possible, until I feel like I'm going to die of heat stroke. Then they switch.

It's like they know.

Weekend Nugget

2009-04-14T14:05:00.000-04:00

Last weekend, at A's 30th birthday party, I was told that I was "straight-up gangsta" for drinking plain soy milk.

I think the standards for gangstas are slipping, because, let me tell you, the first thing that I think of when I walk into a Whole Foods and look around at the patrons is not "gangsta."

And this happened at a party where some of the people there actually drink whiskey for the taste, and not the overall [sloppy] experience. Soy milk? Gangsta? I don't think so.

Sounds Like Home

2009-04-14T08:53:00.001-04:00

A new SSPU [record? CD? release? download? what is the correct term these days?] is out today. Review here.

Hopefully, there's a tour. I loved Carnavas in an illicit, give-us-some-privacy-why-don't-you sort of way. I'm listening to the new one now, but we're taking it slow. I don't rush things these days. I've been hurt before.

32 Down, 1 Billion to Go

2009-04-07T10:21:00.002-04:00

So, after deciding *very* late in the game to take the bar exam after all, I've decided to start studying a bit early. After all, there's no way in hell I can take eight weeks off of work to study. I have a little thing called a "mortgage" nowadays and, even if I didn't, I have another pesky little thing called an "appetite" that needs food, so work I must.

I started by reviewing the Torts outline. I'm making flashcards and, in jotting down the information on the back of flashcard #32, I've just figured out why I only got a B+ on my second semester exam. The question had to do with escalators, licensees, and Brittany Spears, and only now do I see where I went wrong, and I'm sort of pissed off about it. How could it have been so simple...and why the hell didn't my professor explain it better? I've just checked my first year outline and, sure as shit, I didn't have this information back then.

I'm a bit seethey. And if I could figure out how to save/post pictures on this Mac that I'm test-driving, I'd post one of the Crypt Keeper, who looks a hell of a lot like my Torts professor.

Anyway, I also can't believe how easy this shit is. Why did I struggle with it before? Was it simple procrastination that made it all so difficult? This "bar exam" thing is starting to look less and less like a big deal.

Adventureland

2009-04-06T06:42:00.003-04:00

Holy crap, did I love love love this movie. A and I went to see this on Saturday night, and we could not stop talking about this movie for the rest of the night. It was a PERFECT movie. It was so much better than I expected it to be. Sure, it made me want to find my own bag of smoke lying around, but hey, you'll have that.

I've checked out all of the mixed reviews, and I really want some people I know to see the film so that they can tell me what they think. I'm wondering, do I love the movie because I love it? Or do I love the movie because...hrm...I sorta married a boy JUST like the main character?

Other than that, my weekend was all tequila, comic books, hiking in the woods with the beagles, a barbecue, and the Great Hunt for New Board Games, 2009 edition (prefaced by lunch at Melt, and finished with a trip to Big Fun and a Tommy's milkshake...hello perfect Sunday afternoon, anyone?). This of course...has me thinking that my life is much more like the life of a high schooler than it was when I was actually in high school. Go figure.

Honeymoon 2.0

2009-03-30T10:47:00.004-04:00

So it looks like our romantic trip to Italy that we'd planned for September, where we'd spend time in Rome, Pompeii, Venice, and spend some time in a Tuscan villa, has given way to this.

I wonder what this says about us as a couple?

Love

2009-03-27T07:25:00.003-04:00

You know you love your pet when you spend your evening gently soaping her rear-end (and I'm talking..."the business"...not just her backside) because something is amiss, and that something got all over her and her pal Zeus. And you don't use your gloves because you couldn't find any and you didn't want her to get her business all over your new couches.

Reme is definitely shamefaced today. I don't have a shamefaced pic of her to post, so instead I posted her "urgent" face. This is her in the old apartment, desperate for a wee.

Junk

2009-03-13T11:22:00.001-04:00

I went to the salon yesterday, and while I asked for “the usual,” I got something quite a bit different. In fact, my hair reminds me very much of President Roslin’s hair from Battlestar Galactica. My dear A confirmed my fear when he told me that it looks like I’m wearing a wig (in all fairness, he *did* try to make a save by telling me that he meant it as a compliment and that I looked both cute and retro…I’m still not pleased). Just call me Madame President, Sir.

In other news, I had to work late on Monday thanks to an overlong meeting of a governmental body (that’s as specific as I plan on getting, thank you very much), and the group of men that I was forced to spend my evening with asked me what my husband was going to do about dinner since I wasn’t going to be there to cook him something.

What. The. Fuuu……?

People with whom I’ve shared this little tale have simply brushed off my outrage and attributed such comments to a generational phenomenon. Apparently, if a man is over 45-years old, such behavior is to be expected. I’m grateful to them for clearing this up for me. I suppose that next time a 50-year old man says something like, “No, really, I’m not racist. I have some really nice African-American friends. I just don’t want them dating my daughter” is not actually a bigot, he’s just “of a certain age.” Interesting.

And this morning I finally locked myself out of the house. I knew it would happen sooner or later. I had the dogs with me and I tied them to a tree after our walk while waiting for A to get home to let me in. The dogs put on quite the show. They shivered like a couple of neglected animals and Zeus, convinced that missing breakfast meant that I was never feeding him again, took it upon himself to plow through half of the sticks and pine cones in the yard. I think he might learn to regret that decision when those things show up again.

And finally, I’m starting to fear that I’ve lost the ability to read. Well…not the *ability* so much as the…desire? The…patience? Whatever it is, I’ve lost it. I haven’t managed to make it through a book in weeks, and I’ve started and not finished at least a half a dozen of them. I even picked up and dusted off Mansfield Park thinking…”who can resist Jane Austen, anyway?” Me. That’s who. I can’t read a damn thing. I believe that grad school has ruined me. If it’s longer than a Facebook status, I can’t concentrate on it. There should be some sort of 12-step program for this. I’ll go check now.

Relationship Meme

2009-02-23T10:16:00.002-05:00

(From the adorable Zoo's blog.)

What are your middle names?
Foley and Antanas. Helllooooo, ethnicities!

How long have you been together?
Since about February/March of 2005.

How long did you know each other before you started dating?
No time at all. A hit on me the first time we met. I, however, neglected to give him my phone number, and it took about a month for me to catch up with him again.

Who asked whom out?
He asked me.

How old are each of you?
I’m 31. A’s 30th birthday will be on Easter this year. I must plan something fabulous.

Whose siblings do you see the most?
Mine. A’s an only child.

Which situation is the hardest on you as a couple?
Oooh. That’s a toughie. Right now, probably the fact that I’m still in a transition phase from school to working in the real world. I’m not working full time yet, and I probably won’t be until after the bar in July. I think it’s tough on him, working so hard, when I’m not so much right now. And I feel all guilty not contributing as much as he does…so that’s tough.

Did you go to the same school?
No. Though I do think A will be getting his MBA from my alma mater.

Are you from the same home town?
No, though we both grew up in the Cleveland area, and I think we both consider Cleveland our home, so I guess maybe “yes” would be a better answer here.

Who is smarter?
Well. Yikes. This is a tough one. We’ve discussed this issue at length. I usually say that he is smarter, because he’s pretty damn smart, so I’ll stick with my answer here.

Who is the most sensitive?
I’d say me, but I think that growing up with siblings has made me a little tougher than he is, especially when it comes to fighting (verbal, of course…nothing physical…I’m no Amy Winehouse, for heavens sake).

Where do you eat out most as a couple?
Please. Like this is even a close one. We go to Cozumel, our favorite local Mexican restaurant.

Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple?
Well, we travelled to Mexico together, but then I went and got all deported, so the Mexican government sent us right back again. Touchy topic, that one.

Who has the craziest exes?
Me. Me by FAR and away. Yegads, don’t even get me started.

Who has the worst temper?
Ummm…him. But that’s another close one.

Who does the cooking?
Mostly me, because I’m pretty obsessed with it, to be honest. For example, just yesterday I made a yummy breakfast of tofu, vegetable, and soy chorizo scramble with bagels, hash browns, coffee, and OJ. For dinner, you ask? Well, I made seitan steak sammiches with peppers, onions, creamy horseradish sauce, and vegan au jus. Dessert was the last of the blueberry brownies that I made earlier in the week. I love cooking. I love food. And now I’m hungry.

Who is the neat-freak?
Please. Neat freak? We’re already looking for someone to come and clean our house.

Who is more stubborn?
Ummmmmm…me. I guess. I don’t know. We’re both difficult.

Who hogs the bed?
Me. That’s the rumor, anyway.

Who wakes up earlier?
Usually A, because he has to be at work earlier. However, if it’s a day where neither of us has to be up early for anything, I’m usually awake first.

Where was your first date?
You know, I don’t even know when our first “date” actually was. After the first time we met, when I failed to give him my number when he asked me if he could call me sometime and I said “yes” (he seriously made NO move to get my number…he did not pull out a phone or a pencil or anything…what was I supposed to do, scrawl it on his forehead with my lipgloss??), we ended up meeting at the same music hall where we initially met for a drink. After that, I think we went to Red Lobster with his friends N & B (I know…I was vegan at the time…there is NOTHING a vegan can eat at that horrible place, in case you were wondering). I accidentally burned a hole in his favorite pair of pants with my lit cigarette. Oops.

Who is more jealous?
Me. Definitely me. The man’s never gotten jealous a day in his life. Wait, I think he got jealous the day that his friend T bought an iPhone. Yeah, he was definitely jealous about that. We got ours a few weeks later.

How long did it take to get serious?
Ummm…I’m not sure what “serious” really means. My A journal (oh yeah, I have one, it’s UNBELIEVABLY sticky sweet) tells me that he asked me to “go steady” on tax day of 2005, a little under a month after we’d been seeing each other regularly. Yes, I frigging LOVE that he asked me to go steady. Adorable! The irony of this is that he asked me to marry him when I was yammering about Tax law and studying for my Tax final…so there you go. Yay taxes, or something…

Who eats more?
Ummm…me. Definitely me. I actually think me metabolism is faster than his, because he only eats around twice a day, whereas I eat about every 3-4 hours or so. Yeah, again with the food.

Who does the laundry?
We both do. It’s strange, though, now that we’ve moved into the house. At our apartment, we’d do our laundry together. Whoever felt like doing it would wash all of it, and we’d fold together. Now it seems like we’re both responsible for our own laundry. Weird, right? When we were dating, we laundered like married people, and now that we’re married, we launder like we’re dating.

Who's better with the computer?
Oh please. Mr. IT-Pants wins this one. Y’know, I have no idea what the man really does for a living. When asked, I mention the bank he works at, and then stammer “IT-something-something-computers-something-genuis-something-I-don’t-really-know.” I’m terrible, really. He’s definitely handy to have around, though. He did, however, totally fail me when my first year Contracts outline disappeared from my laptop two weeks before the final. That was a bad day. He made up for it, however, by taking it apart to clean the entire thing after I spilled a half of a bottle of orange juice on it while studying in the law library. That was not a good day either, now that I think about it.

Who drives when you are together?
Usually he does, but since we’ve moved I’ve often dropped him at the rapid station so that I can have the car for the day. Wish I’d done that today, now that I think about it, because I need to get downtown and it’s REALLY cold outside. Looks like I’ll be walking to that there rapid station this afternoon. Drat!

Dream

2009-02-19T06:08:00.003-05:00

Last night I dreamt that a shoe store opened on public square that also rented roller skates for a pittance. The shoes were tan with orange wheels and stoppers, just like the ones at the skating parties I went to in junior high. Eventually, the sheer number of roller skating Clevelanders caused the city to restrict access on Euclid Ave., from Public Square to CSU, to all but pedestrian and roller skating traffic. The store gave reduced skate rentals to the homeless, so Euclid Avenue was filled with Jones Day-type stiffs in suits rubbing elbows with homeless men, filthy but for the clean tan and bright orange of their rented roller skates.

We need to make this happen.

I Got a Lot of Pulp in This Blood

2009-02-15T08:41:00.002-05:00

I love Joss Whedon in a Kathy Bates from Misery kind of way. That's right, if I found him half dead in a ditch somewhere I'd bring him home, tie him in the basement, and make him write me some stories.

Still haven't watched Dollhouse yet. I plan on watching it tonight with a few fudgy wudgy blueberry brownies for maximum pleasure.

http://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2009/02/12/arts/television/20090212_WHEDON_AUDIOSS.html

Dollhouse

2009-02-11T08:09:00.002-05:00

Please, let them be wrong. I have high hopes. Very, very, VERY high hopes...

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2009/02/10/DD9015QISL.DTL

Workplace Search, Take 1

2009-02-09T11:01:00.002-05:00

I attribute my lack of posting to the fact that every time I bother to sit down with my computer, I’m either struggling like hell to get some work done or I’m stuck in the time suck that is Facebook. Usually, however, I’m staring at whatever stupid motion I’m working on that day and I’m thinking to myself, “how in the hell am I going to spend the rest of my life as a lawyer? How? HOW?!”

But enough of that.

I’m loving the new house, but working from home is slowly driving me insane. This morning I actually put some real clothes on and left the house in an attempt to find a work space that is far from sleeping beagles, household chores, the X-Box and Left 4 Dead, books, the television, a kitchen, the mailbox, or any mirrors. That’s right, I’m easily distracted. I’m also becoming more and more removed from any social interaction whatsoever. This is not a good thing.

My current strategy, then, is to find a place to work where I can actually be productive. So after walking the dogs, dropping A at the rapid station, hitting the gym, and coming home to get cleaned up, eat some oatmeal, and pack my work bag, I headed to Common Grounds, a coffee shop in West Park.

Now, I’ve been to this particular coffee shop before. I went there a few times during my first year of law school because it was open twenty-four hours and you could smoke inside. However, I quickly abandoned Common Grounds and its lack of wireless internet access in favor of the Arabica on W. 116th and Detroit, just around the corner from my then-apartment. Arabica also had a relatively large smoking section, wireless access, and was also, thankfully, the preferred study space for my friend Matt and his #3 class-ranked brain that I could exploit when necessary. Now, my time spent at Arabica dwindled as that year progressed, first because I quit smoking and I was too tempted by the ever-increasing law student population and their glorious cigarettes, and second because my dogs were apparently raising hell every time I left them alone and I was about three barks away from being accosted by a mob of my neighbors bearing pitchforks, torches, and flaming arrows.

When I moved in with A, I generally stayed in our apartment to study. However, it was often easy for me to just stay at the law library to get my learn on because I could leave the car with A in case he needed it and I could take a free trolley home. That was, of course, until Phoenix opened the Most Wonderful Coffee Shop in the World in my apartment building. Now, I could write love letter after love letter to my beloved Phoenix. I loved everything about Phoenix, from the color scheme (which I…*ahem*… inadvertently adopted on the main floor of my house) to the fact that they put containers of soy milk out with the regular coffee creamers. They sell vegan desserts (and CHEESECAKE!), and the very friendly girl who worked in the mornings would bring around a pitcher of water to all of the people studying in the coffee shop to make sure that we all stayed hydrated. All of the coffee sold is locally roasted and made with a French press and ABSOLUTELY MAGICAL. If you feel like stopping in with friends on a Saturday morning, you can play Mastermind in the one of the comfy chairs or you read the Scene magazine and plan your day. Or if you were to say, go to some rally or concert on Mall C and you felt like getting a bit stupid, you could stop and grab a coffee to go and top it off with some good whiskey and nobody would be the wiser.

But enough about Phoenix. It’s impractical now. There’s no way I can justify dropping A off at the rapid station only to drive downtown later and pay to park so that I can revel in the joys of the Phoenix. I must find another, closer work space (preferably one that I may bike to if this winter ever ends). So I decided to revisit Common Grounds.

The first thing that struck me upon entering the coffee shop was that, despite the new bullshit Constitutional ban on smoking in Ohio that has taken effect since I last visited, the people at Common Grounds have apparently (even rightfully) given the Ohio Constitution the finger and continue to smoke when they drink their cups of coffee. Not that I saw anyone smoking. I didn’t. But the whole place just reeked of cigarettes and, after about ten minutes, I reeked of cigarettes, too. This is not a good thing. First of all, it makes me want to smoke. And second, it makes me want to change.

Then, there’s the matter of ambience. It appears that black is the preferred paint color at Common Grounds. If I remember correctly, even the tables were black. This is not to say that I don’t like black, because black and I are good friends. The problem is just that when I’m working, I’m black through and through. This is why I need something to perk me up a bit, otherwise there could be trouble. I may be tempted, for example, to pour whiskey in my coffee at 9:00 a.m. on a Monday morning. Now, while I suspect that doing such a thing would probably make me a typical attorney, I figure that I can live without the morning drinking at least until I pass the bar. So far, Common Grounds is scoring a -2 on the Suitable Away From Home Workspace Meter.

I ordered a large coffee, and it was just okay. Not good, not bad. To be fair, I’ll score Common Grounds a “0” here, though normally I think I’d give the shop a negative number because, I mean, IT’S A COFFEE SHOP. Make some decent coffee, you know what I mean?

Then, of course, one must consider the staff and the people inside the coffee shop. Now, Common Grounds has a reputation for being a popular hangout for angsty, tortured teens with the “rebel” vibe. However, I wouldn’t expect to find these kids at the coffee shop on a Monday morning. Instead, there were three very loud employees and two regulars talking about all kinds of things. One guy was fighting with someone on the phone about his car insurance policy and the date of his latest car accident. The rest were talking about genitals. That’s right, I said genitals. Now, I’m not complaining here. I, too, have discussed things in public that are best left for discussion in private. And who doesn’t like talking about penises in public? The problem with this conversation, for me, was that it was MUCH more entertaining that what I was supposed to be reading, and I couldn’t concentrate on work. And so, unfortunately, this has to go in the minuses column as well. Total Common Grounds score = -3.

I couldn’t stay at the coffee shop long, so who knows if this score would’ve changed had I stuck around. Unfortunately for me, I left my mouse at home and I can’t operate my laptop without it (I made A take Vista off of this thing and reload XP, and the drivers are all fudged up, and now my stupid laptop needs a mouse, which thrills me to no end). So now, I’m back at home and working from my kitchen. There’s half of a lower-fat deep chocolate bundt cake (from Veganomicon…I made it for my in-laws who visited on Saturday) on the counter, and I’m desperate to visit the last airport scene in Left 4 Dead, and so I’m thinking that after lunch, if I want to be productive at all, I have to try another work space.

Maybe I could convince A’s uncle to put some tables in Breadsmith in Lakewood, get wireless, serve coffee, and let me gorge on Sweetie Pie’s vegan brownies and pumpkin bread while working. Sounds reasonable, yes?

Lame Ass Reason #487 Why I'm Still Not Vegan

2009-01-07T14:18:00.002-05:00

Other than several glimmering months way back in 2005, I have completely and utterly failed at being a vegan. Sure, I can vegetarian it up with the best of them, but when it comes down to it, I suck at veganism. I could offer thousands of lame reasons for my lack-o-veganess, but I will today offer only reason #487:

I get crazy food gifts from my family for Christmas. This year, one of those gifts happened to be a yard of Walker's Shortbread. Who needs a yard of butter in cookie form, you ask? Well, sure as hell not me and my ever-widening ass, but a yard of shortbread I received. I was going to pass it on because I keep telling myself that, "NOW IS THE TIME! Stop being a wuss and just go vegan already." Plus, I believe A said something like, "Keep it! I'll eat it! I'll love it!" But since A eats cookies at a rate of about 1 every three weeks or so (his Girlscout Cookies last for years), and since I cannot resist shortbread cookies (or, let's be honest, any cookies), I find myself depleting that yard o' shortbread at an alarming rate.

For instance, this afternoon I made a cup of tea. I sweetened it with stevia, added soy milk, and, of course, grabbed an inch or two of that damned shortbread.

I suppose that I will merely console myself with the fact that, with every attempt, I become more and more vegan-like. For instance, I only use Earth Balance margarine. I use rice or soy milk in place of regular milk. I actually prefer tofutti sour cream to real sour cream. I use agave nectar instead of honey. Almost every single thing I cook at home is vegan. I bought new running shoes last week and opted for the non-leather, coconut yarn variety (yay New Balance).

Yet, place a yard of shortbread in front of me and I completely fall apart.

*sigh*

The Move

2009-01-06T08:29:00.001-05:00

I swear to the Great Pumpkin that the next time I move, which hopefully won’t be until someone forces me into assisted living, I am absolutely hiring movers. I remember fondly the time when my sweet A hired movers for me and I just sat back, smoking cigarettes and drinking coffee while two strapping mover-types moved my shit from the Valley to my apartment in Cleveland. It was…well, it was a beautiful thing.

Though, I really shouldn’t complain. Every year, in the dead of Cleveland winter, there are usually one or two freakishly warm days. On those days, you’ll see your neighbors for the first time since Halloween. Pasty, marshmallowy figures step gingerly outside of doors, Frisbees are thrown, dogs frolic, joyless procrastinators clean out gutters. On those days, I’m usually searching frantically for my bicycle pump before throwing up my hands in frustration, shoving my bike in the car, and racing to the gas station to fill up my tires so that I can enjoy all three hours of daylight before the return of icy, windy hell on earth.

On December 27, Cleveland had one of those record-breaking days. It was a sunny, 67 degrees. And wouldn’t you know it, December 27 was moving day.

Hell yes.

I’m more or less settled in. There are still unpacked boxes all over the place, but it’s starting to feel like home. And A finally left me alone for a few hours last night to go watch the Buckeyes and I decided to cook, so it sort of smells like home now, too.

I’m still exploring the neighborhood, as well. Our neighbors seem pretty cool. One friendly man welcomed us to the neighborhood with a pumpkin pie. Another welcomed us with a fifth of Jack. It’s like they *know*. It’ll take a while to find the best dog-walking route. There are a lot of dog walkers in this neighborhood. There are also other, furry critters. A few stray cats. Squirrels. And, horror of horrors, rabbits. I don’t mind all of these animals around, as a general rule. I’m a complete animal lover. The more the merrier.

Except when I’m walking these blasted beagles.

I thought that, when I moved downtown, my dogs just grew up or had a change of heart. I thought they’d matured. I thought A was a good influence on them. I thought that being home with them regularly had made them better, calmer dogs.

I was delusional.

I suppose now that, thanks to the excess of stank in my old neighborhood, these dogs couldn’t pick one smell from another. Apparently, the same is not true in my new neighborhood. Now they can smell things. And this gets them very, very, very excited. And they bay. And they whine. And they pull. Quickly. In different directions. And I have trouble keeping my balance. I probably look something like a May Pole when I’m walking those hounds. A May Pole that isn’t properly secured, even. One that totters frequently, falling occasionally.

Damn dogs.

But I’m getting used to the dark. And the quiet. I still live in Cleveland, but at night, when I’m walking the dogs, it feels like I live in the suburbs. There are few street lights, and nobody is out late, so I feel like I’m hidden when I walk the pups. The only thing I hear is the jingle of the dogs’ chains, their panting (and yes, sometimes the baying and the whining).

So far, so good.

Dear Secured Transactions,

2008-12-09T14:05:00.006-05:00

Do you mind if I call you ST? No? Well, ST, let me tell you something...

If you and I were to hang out one night, maybe some time when I'm not crazy finals lady, and maybe we were having a drink at the Map Room or something, and you were talking to me and laughing about some priority rule or whatever, and you had an ENORMOUS piece of spinach stuck between your front teeth, I would pretend to send a text message on my cell phone, but instead I'd take your picture, spinach a-blazin', and I'd send that picture to all my friends, and I'd put that picture on Facebook, too, and I'd write:

"LOOK AT WHAT A FUCKING ASSHOLE ST IS!"

And then I'd laugh at your little priority story, and pretend that I feel terrible for whatever lien holder got screwed over by you this morning.

Thanks *so* very much for spending my birthday with me ST.

I really hate you,

Suz

Holy Homeownership!

2008-12-04T13:02:00.002-05:00

Lookey what I bought (papers to be signed next week):

The View from my Prison

2008-12-04T11:57:00.002-05:00

Working on: secured transactions

Drinking: nummy Phoenix coffee

Listening to: The Dandy Warhols

Smelling: two Frito-licious beagles

Yearning for: Silk Nog and pumpkin muffins. Oh, and to be done with this shit already.

The View from the Coffee Shop

2008-12-02T09:09:00.001-05:00

Countdown

2008-11-28T21:15:00.003-05:00

I keep meaning to post an update here, but my non-school/non-work online forays these days involve little more than checking email and changing my Facebook status. Here are the highlights:

In thirteen days I will have finished my graduate work…for now (mwahahaha…or something). No, really, I think I’ll be done. Until I think that I might NOT be done. And then I think about telling A that I might go back, and I picture his face (crestfallen), and then I think I’m done…and then…

I’m pretty conflicted about finishing. I mean, on the one hand, there’s the whole, “YAAAAAAAAAAAAY!” On the other, I’m a little disappointed with myself and what I failed to get from this experience. I didn’t work very hard, I didn’t do as well as I might have, I didn’t make that many close connections, I didn’t line up the perfect job, I’m not all that proud of myself, I don’t feel like I really accomplished anything… And then I come back to “YAAAAAAAAAAY!” So yeah…pretty conflicted…

But I do love fantasizing about all of the things that I’ll be able to do with my free time when I’m not procrastinating or in class. Go to the movies. Attend holiday parties. Learn another language. Learn how to play the piano. Spend time with my ailing parents. Enjoy being married. Move. Cook. Drink. Kill zombies. Run. Read something that doesn’t make me want to impale myself. Go to a concert. Languish on the couch with the beagles. Clean the bathroom.

Until then, I’ve got to do about 3/4 of a semester’s worth of reading and writing for four classes in 13 days. I’d better get back to it. I leave with a work I like to call, Dogs On Couch:

Wishing

2008-11-24T08:01:00.004-05:00

Things like this make me say to myself: "Screw it. Just move. Go. Now!"

Le sigh...

Stupid STD Song

2008-11-11T09:54:00.003-05:00

I caught the Kings of Leon in Detroit last weekend, and the show was pretty much marred by the horror that is their latest release. Unfortunately, they played quite a few new songs. Even more unfortunately, they played the new one about chlamydia. And worse yet (if you can believe it), that stupid song is all over the place, and is now stuck in my head.

Stop spreading rumors about me KOL. My sex is not on fire. You might want to see a doctor, though.

Take THAT!

2008-11-10T17:25:00.001-05:00

I dreamt that I got into a huge fight with one of my best friends last night, and as she stormed away from me, the only thing that I could think to shout at her retreating figure was:

"It's not 'I seen such and such, it's I SAW it."

Nice!

2008-11-07T15:57:00.001-05:00

Is it even possible to like this man more than I do right now?

Check it.

ohgodohgodohgodohgodohgod

2008-11-04T13:19:00.002-05:00

I feel sick and shaky and excited and happy and terrified and like tears are going to spew from my eyeballs with such ferocity that I could put out a small kitchen fire. Could this be hope?

I may hate myself tomorrow for saying this today, but I don't think that Ohio will fuck it all up this time around. Well...at least...I'm thinking that, this time, the Great State of Cuyahoga will outweigh the Rest of Ohio, where people drive around with Confederate flags on their cars and put "Jesus is Watching You" signs on their lawns. It is a terrifying place, Ohio is.

But Cleveland, Cleveland is beautiful. I walked out of my apartment to be greeted by two young men carrying Barack posters. People are smiling and talking to one another. I spent 10 minutes at a bus stop this morning, and I wasn't even waiting for a bus, I was merely talking to a group of women who had just voted and were hoping to make history (and make things better).

And two nights ago, 80,000 people streamed into my neighborhood to stuff themselves into a park, stand uncomfortably close to one another, smell one another's breath and maybe accidentally grope or be groped, just to hear Obama speak one last time.

This could be the happiest day for this country in the last eight years. And I might get my country back. That's pretty damn cool.

The Pictures do the Talking, Part I

2008-10-08T08:15:00.003-04:00

So...I had this whole "wedding" post written out with all of the gory details. Then I reread it, realized how boring it was, yawned, and decided nobody really cares anyway. I thought about a rewrite, but because life is moving so quickly right now and I already have a million other things going on at the moment, I'll simply share a few of my favorite photos from the day.

Married! And Happily!

2008-09-20T19:47:00.001-04:00

More to come...

Question of the Week?

2008-09-08T13:04:00.003-04:00

So...uh...should a female employee tell her male boss that his fly is open? Or just...not touch that one? My guy told me to leave it alone, but isn't that just...mean?

The Knot Fails Again

2008-09-08T11:14:00.002-04:00

I skimmed quite a few bridal magazines, and of all the things that I knew may go wrong and ought to plan for, nobody warned me of the following possibilities:

1. Bride has 1.5 puffy, bruised eyes for some freak reason. Walks down aisle looking like UFC contender.

2. Groom breaks right hand, has large club/cast, and fumbles when doing the following: placing ring on bride's hand, eating, cake cutting, taking gown off of bride. Club/cast takes over wedding album.

The entire industry is a sham. If those damn magazines and websites can't provide helpful advice for dealing with these two continencies, they should seek other avenues of money-making.

Thanks, Prom Queen!

2008-09-05T12:24:00.002-04:00

You know all those bitchy, nasty, *popular* girls from high school? Wanna know what happened to them? Well, the smart ones, of course, went to law school. And yes, they're still bitchy. Some of the less ambitious ones, though? The ones that aren't in the suburbs with an SUV full of brats? They're working at places like Nordstrom's.

And...somehow...one of them just made me feel like total and complete shite. And I totally let it happen. And not only do I feel like I'm in the tenth grade all over again, but I just spent almost three times as much as I can afford to spend on a dress in an effort to...what? I'm not sure. Please her? Make myself feel better? Get the hell out of there?

I kid you not, this woman came into the dressing room to pass contact information for me to the person who sprays her tan on so that I can look more "vibrant" and "healthy." She told me what floor I can get restrictive undergarments on (apparently I need them). She made fun of my necklace.

Don't worry. After mopping the tears and snot off my face, and hopefully a good night of sleep, I'm taking those damn dresses back. I may even, when asked why I'm returning the dresses, say spite. Probably not, though. That may backfire.

I seriously thought women like that could not get to me at this point in my life, making me feel like a fat, poor, stupid, pasty-looking slob in under twenty minutes. It's amazing how quickly we regress.

Marriage and Fat, Itchy Dogs

2008-09-04T08:48:00.002-04:00

Nine days to go until I’m officially legally obligated to stay in a relationship. I’d lie if I said I wasn’t nervous as shit. Not about the commitment part (I would’ve gotten that locked down ages ago…years ago, even). It’s the “event” that has my right eyelid twitching like it hasn’t twitched since my first year law school finals. There are just too many decisions left to be made, too many errand-type things to do in too little time, and everything costs so damn much money and I. Really. Hate. Spending. It. Plus, I’m dreading the sort of attention that comes with being the bridey-pants. I’d rather be sitting somewhere in the back of the crowd with A, cracking jokes and enjoying being outside. I seriously hate the idea of all these people looking at me.

The thing that makes my knees a bit Silly Putty-ish is that A is super-excited about the wedding. I love that.

I still wish, though, that I hadn’t taken on a second job, that I had my stuff for the bar exam all settled, that my financial aid check were here, that I had a job lined up for February, and that I had something to wear to the rehearsal dinner. All this crap is making it difficult for me to sit back and enjoy the ride.

As for the marriage part? It seems like it’ll be pretty cool. I’m not sure what kind of wife I’ll be, but as my friend J told me, “it’s not like you’re going to be at home wearing ugly sweaters and cooking dinner for A every night.” Damn skippy. Though, thanks to the new ice cream maker and apron that I received at my latest shower, there may be a few fifties housewife nights for A to look forward too, but I doubt I’ll be doing anything more than rocking an apron, pearls, stockings, heels, and strategically dripping frozen desserts in places that nobody wants to read about.

In other news, I’ve yet to recover from the devastating loss of my camera last month in Chicago. I’d hoped to use it to document the beagles' progress on their “diet” (*cough*). Spurred to action by a few snarky comments on the streets and a joke by my vet, I realized that Reme and the Zeuster have gotten a bit pudgy and I’d hardly noticed. After a life of free feeding, we all had to get used to the restrictive food regime of the overweight dog. After four weeks of whining, guilt, reduced treats, and grumpy-aggressiveness all around, both dogs have managed to put on more weight.

They really are my dogs.

Oh. And that Super Expensive Snazzy and Ridiculous Kennel that I sent them to while I was away last month? They came home with kennel cough. And fleas.

I only had to use my AK like…Twice

2008-08-13T19:18:00.001-04:00

Life is pretty f-ing good. I’ve been too lazy to write about Lollapalooza and so nothing else has gotten written here. But believe me, life is good.

A great job opportunity fell in my lap this morning. I love getting unsolicited job offers. Everyone needs to feel desired, yes?

And I hopped on the scale only to discover that I’ve finally lost all of my law school weight and I can wear my old Dickies and formerly too tight punk rock band tees. This makes me say “whhhhheeeeeee” in my head, very loudly.

Then I went and had my hair prettified. I sort of auditioned a stylist for my wedding, and she was pretty bad ass. Hopefully, A won’t run the other way when he sees me coming at him on the wedding day.

And of course there were wedding rings waiting for us in the mail, along with a new power cord for my shitty Dell. I’m not sure which made me happiest, the power cord or the wedding ring. Oh, wait, yeah I do. Food blogs here I come!

Finally, Friday begins the bachelor/bachelorette weekend. A is heading to the woods to eat animals that have been cooked inside of other animals, and sausage made of things no sausage ought to be made out of. I, happily, will not be around to witness the event, smell anyone’s breath, or change my mind about the wedding. Instead, I will be doing girlie things like drinking mojitos, eating liquored up pudding, wearing pjs, and forcing everyone to listen to all the new tunes on my iPod.

Yeah. Goodness.

Guilt?

2008-07-31T09:04:00.001-04:00

Places like this are pretty ridiculous.

Guess where my dogs will be staying this weekend?